


Jotunn on the loose

by Moonybird, SerpinaSilverTongue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brodinsons, Gen, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Jotunn | Frost Giant, Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Protective Frigga (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 34,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonybird/pseuds/Moonybird, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpinaSilverTongue/pseuds/SerpinaSilverTongue
Summary: One evening, a young Loki mess's with a spell he had been warned to stay away from. The spell reveals a horrible secret, a secret involving blue skin and suddenly Loki is having the worst night of his life as he must run for dear life.





	1. Spell gone wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is currently being edited and re-posted, thanks to the hard work of SerpinaSilvertongue.

In Asgard, home of the gods, two princes lived. They were at that age where they weren't quite adults yet. They were not as tall as the proud warriors they admired and their shoulders not so broad yet either, but it was okay. They were still growing.

Thor was the oldest and as such had a bit of a head start. His younger brother still only came to just below his shoulder. Then again, there were a few hundred years between them, so it probably wouldn't stay that way. Thor was a warrior prince, already getting into fights with warriors twice his own size.

On the other hand, Loki had always been considered weak, even for his own age. As a child he had been rather sickly, often confined to bed. This had, however, allowed him to spend time in his mother's company learning about sorcery.

From a young age, Loki had realized that if he ever wanted to beat Thor in a fair fight, he couldn't simply rely on physical strength as his brother did. He would have to use different means. Play to his own strengths. Loki was determined to prove that, with his magic, he could be a warrior equal to Thor, perhaps even better. He just had to keep going, had to keep studying, keep practicing.

As brothers, it was a very natural order of things that the two would always push each other, always try to show each other up. They would be friends but also rivals. This constant state of challenge was a struggle for Loki. Whenever he and Thor engaged in a practice battle, Thor would win. Every single time. There had never been an exception.

This time was no different. Just as Loki had blocked Thor's sword with his daggers, Thor pushed, sending Loki flying backwards. He landed with a hollow thud and groaned, "Urrghh."

"Are you alright, Brother?" Thor asked, his brow furrowing in mild concern.

"I'm fine," Loki muttered, not bothering to get up from the ground.

Thor blinked, then stepped over to Loki, looking down at him. "You are getting better," he grinned. "It took me over fifteen minutes to get you down this time!"

Loki rolled his eyes. Then Thor reached down to offer his brother a hand. There was a moment of strained silence before Loki finally accepted the proffered hand, allowing Thor to pull him up.

Thor smiled, looking at his smaller brother with a glimmer in his eyes. "Mother and Father will be leaving soon. We should go see them off."

"Yes indeed." Loki sighed as he brushed dirt off his sleeve.

Thor just looked at him. This was one of those habits that were a bit unique to Loki; he always hated being dirty, unlike most Asgardians who didn't seem to care much. It was like Loki's dislike of being touched… Loki was the only one Thor knew who was like that. On Asgard, embraces were freely given. It was a sign of their comradery, of their friendship as warriors. It was just normal.

In situations like this Loki always slipped out when he could. He simply didn't like being touched, which was… unfortunate. This often led to the people of Asgard thinking Loki was being rude or that he didn't like them, when that wasn't true. It was often up to Thor to explain to them, _No, it's not you. Loki just doesn't like being touched by anyone… anyone except our mother._

Finally, Loki seemed to be done as he tugged a renegade string of hair behind his ear and glanced up. "Shall we?" he asked.

Thor nodded. As they started to walk together the elder prince began to chatter, "Don't lose heart, Loki. I have four hundred year's head start. It only makes sense that it should take time for you to catch up."

Loki groaned, his eyes closing.

"How goes the spell casing?" Thor prodded. "You were working on…" his eyes squinted. "Glamours, right?"

"Fine," Loki proclaimed. "I am doing perfectly fine."

"Struggling, huh?" Thor asked, knowing how to read his brother. "When are you going to learn something interesting? Like... fireballs or, you know, things that are useful in combat?"

At that, Loki halted, fixing his brother with a glare.

Thor blinked. Clearly, he had just angered Loki, but he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why. Then he smiled, his thoughts already rushing ahead to a new topic. "Hey, the warriors three and I are going hunting this evening. You should come."

"Why ever would I want to?" Loki asked.

"It'll be fun!" Thor beamed.

"Your friends hate me," Loki countered as he picked up the pace.

"No, they don't. They love you!" Thor grinned, running after him. "When they talk about you, it's only about how smart you are."

"Because _you_ are in the room with them," Loki replied, arching an eyebrow. "You really don't know how to read between the lines, do you?"

"They say it out loud, so it must be true," Thor interjected.

"You really are an oaf. You know that?" Loki asked.

"Am not," Thor replied, unphased by the jibe. "Just give them a chance. We have so much fun together. I really wish you would join us more often," he stated, his eyes shining with honesty.

Loki rolled his eyes. "I have plans for this evening," he informed him.

"Really?" Thor asked, looking surprised.

"Yes!" Loki snapped. "Believe it or not, my world doesn't revolve around you. I have other ways I prefer to spend my time."

"Oh, alright. Maybe next time." Thor's smile faltered for only a moment before returning to that big, stupid, outright innocent grin. Loki closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

* * *

It was true. That night Loki had plans of his own.

Together he and Thor had seen their parents off, as they were on their way to one of their political meetings in another realm. As usual, Frigga had kissed the both of them on the forehead and asked them to behave while they were away. Odin, for his part, offered them a stern look, reminding them that they were princes of Asgard and that he expected them to be on their best behavior. As was their habit, both Thor and Loki nodded, their father nodding back in approval.

Of course, Odin's words often meant very little in this regard. Both princes were deeply aware that the perfect time for mischief was when their parents were away. The two young boys were more than happy to exploit the opportunity.

Thor, as he had already informed his brother, was going hunting with his friends. Desiring to prove his worth, he already had his hopes set on slaying an enormous beast. What did it matter to him if others said he was still too young for such a quest?

As for Loki, he had been waiting for this opportunity.

It had happened only a few days ago. Loki had stumbled upon a spell, a spell that would reveal a magician's true potential. The moment Frigga had seen what he was doing though, she had snatched the book away.

"But Mother," Loki protested, looking up with entreating eyes, "it says plainly that this is a very common spell. It helps guide magicians so that they know what direction they should go. It won't unlock anything, just show where the potential lies."

Frigga hesitated as she held the book. Then her eyes lowered. "Loki," she said, "my dear son, I will have to ask you not to attempt this spell on your own." Her tone was both firm and pleading as she went on. "Allow me time to consider how to go about it. And promise me that we'll do it together?"

Loki blinked, confused. While it was true that his mother was his first and best teacher, he didn't need her around for every single spell he worked on, certainly not one as simple as this.

"But we will do it?" Loki asked.

Frigga paused. Then slowly she nodded. "Yes, I think… It is long overdue. Still, I must think."

Her words were rather confusing. Several days had passed, and the subject had not come up on its own. Whenever Loki had tried to bring it up, Frigga had dismissed it no matter how cleverly he went about the request. She would always inform him that she was a little busy right now but assure him that they would get around to the spell.

It was odd. Although there were few people whom Loki trusted, his mother had always been one of them. And yet, the longer she avoided the subject the more he suspected that this was one promise she did not intended to keep.

That only sparked Loki's curiosity more.

He had waited, biding his time. Now that Frigga and Odin were away from Asgard, there was no chance of someone telling their mother that Loki had taken the same book from the library. He was now seated with the spell book in his own chambers. Peering at the pages, he shifted to a more comfortable position, laying on his stomach.

It really was a simple spell, novice at best. There didn't seem to be anything dangerous about it, nothing that would warrant his mother's hesitation. Just a spell to showcase where his potential was, what he should focus on as he continued his studies. What his core was made of. Loki smirked as he sat up, crossing his legs then clasping his hands together as he took a steadying breath.

Time to find out.

He reached inwards towards his own _seiðr_ , bringing it to the surface. _Show me… What is my true potential?_

There it was! He found his center. Murmuring the words from the yellowed pages before him, he tapped into his magical core. Loki blinked. It was like… a cooling breeze. The feeling rushed through his body, up his spine, and he shivered in surprise before slowly exhaling. It felt… really nice, and he opened up to it, allowing the pleasant energy to fill him.

Honestly, it felt amazing. It felt as if Loki had been wearing a huge suit of armor that had been too heavy for him and yet at the same time so tight that it had constricted him, not allowing him to breath properly. Without even realizing it, he had never breathed freely before.

Loki took a deep breath, feeling his lungs fill before letting go of the suddenly fresh air. He could feel the magic, cool and refreshing, pulsing through his veins, and he smiled as he looked at his hands. Loki felt his heart slow to a halt. Wide eyed, he stared at his hands. Why were they… blue?

Slowly Loki lifted his hands then pulled back his sleeve. Blue covered his entire arm, and there were strange ridges. What?! What the Hel was this?

Frantic eyes darted around the room. Scrambling to his feet, Loki nearly tripped as he ran to the mirror; however, the second he caught a glimpse of himself he let out a scream in pure shock, tumbling to the floor.

No. No, no, NO! Loki squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to suppress the image of ruby red eyes looking back at him. What was this? What was happening? Loki screamed again as he grabbed his hair. No, this wasn't real. There was no way this was real!

"Prince Loki!" A voice boomed from outside his door. "We heard screaming. Are you hale?"

Loki gasped, turning huge eyes toward the door. "Yes… Yes, I am hale!" he shouted in a desperate voice. Only then did he notice the place he was sitting. Ice was spreading from his body, crawling across the floor like spiderwebs. That made Loki jolt up. He stumbled backwards, only to fall directly into a chair that in turn fell with a crash.

"My prince!" came the startled shout.

"D-don't come in!" Loki bit his tongue. He had sounded panicked. He tried to pull himself back up but stumbled again.

"Prince Loki?" a concerned voice now asked. "Forgive me, Your Highness, I shall enter."

"No!" Loki screamed, only for a gust of icy wind to slam into the door and freeze it. A shriek sounded from the other side. Loki halted. He gasped for air. Then knocks thundered on the door.

"Jotunn ice!" A yell sounded. "The door has been frozen by Jotunn ice! Prince Loki!"

Deafening thuds echoed through his chambers as more shouts came.

"Break down the door!"

"The prince!"

Loki shook his head, stepping backwards. No. No, no, no. This could not be happening. It could not.

Finally, the door shattered, giving way to the barrage of blows from outside and sending fragments of ice splintering throughout the room. Three guards stared wide eyed at Loki, whom returned their wide-eyed gaze.

One of the guards gasped. "A Jotunn! What have you done to the prince?" he demanded drawing his sword.

Loki's eyes watered, his entire body shaking. "I… I…" he cried. "I haven't done anything!" he shouted, spreading out his hands. To his surprise, shards of ice shot from his fingers, forcing the guards to shield themselves with their arms. Loki took the opportunity to run, run right past them and out.

"The Jotunn!" a guard screamed. "After him! Don't let him escape!"

Loki could only think of one thing. _Run_. He tried to suppress his tears, to control his shaking body. Wildly, he gestured with his hands, trying to cast a shape shifting spell. His fingers sizzled with magic, even more than he was used to, but there was no shape shifting. Instead he unintentionally made the floor pure ice, and the guards behind him slipped and fell over each other as Loki gasped.

"The prince is not in his chambers!" a voice boomed.

"The Jotunn must have taken him! Get him!"

Loki squinted his eyes. Oh god… This could not be happening. This could _not_ be happening!


	2. The hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited by Serpina Silver

Thor's laughter bellowed through the wind and rang against the cliffs, crashing like thunder. "What a glorious hunt!" he beamed.

"Indeed! Fandral grinned. "The women should be most impressed when we show them this beast."

Sif looked at Fandral, giving him that expression of 'You can't be serious, can you?'

"Splendid marksmanship, Hogun," Volstagg complimented their archer.

Hogun bowed his head. "I have vowed to become the finest archer in Asgard," he reminded them. "I shall claim that title." He raised a fist signaling the triumph to come, and Thor laughed.

Tied behind their four horses was a massive beast, its carcass dragging the ground. The creature resembled a boar but had fur black as night. It was larger than any of their horses, and its huge mouth held the razor-sharp teeth of a carnivore.

"Wait till Loki sees this," Thor grinned. "He will surely regret not joining us on the hunt!"

None of Thor's companions replied to this. They elected not to, simply shaking their heads in amusement instead. Thor didn't seem to notice this, but the rumble of laughter died in his throat as he blinked and stared straight ahead. The others joined his stunned silence. They were nearing the palace, and it was very late, so late that most of the servants ought to have been asleep. The palace was supposed to be in darkness, yet there were lights in every window. Where they expected calm, there was instead frantic chaos.

Confused, Thor and his comrades exchanged a glance and then spurred their horses on as one, increasing their speed as well as they could with the huge beast in tow. As they arrived in the courtyard, they saw guards running to and fro. The maids were huddled together, trying to calm one of the younger serving girls who was screeching madly.

"What is the meaning of this?" Thor asked. Much to his displeasure, the question was lost in the uproar. "What is going on?!" he bellowed so loudly that he could not be ignored. Finally, an Einherjar came running.

"Prince Thor," he saluted him, "there you are. I must insist that you be brought to safety."

"What for?" Thor asked.

"A Jotunn attack, My Liege," the warrior informed him, earing wide-eyed stares from the prince and his four companions. "Somehow a Jotunn has gained access into the heart of the palace. We suspect there are more. Of that we are nearly certain." He glanced over the four warriors, then looked back to Thor, his brow furrowing. "Prince Loki is not with you?"

Thor blinked. "No, he said he had other plans for tonight." It only took a moment for this information to sink in. "Do you mean to tell me that Loki is missing?" he asked.

The Einherjar paled. "Oh no."

"What is it?" Thor demanded. His voice rose when there was no reply. "Speak!"

"The Jotunn, the frost giant scum… it was found… inside Prince Loki's chambers." Thor's eyes widened at the Einherjar's words. "And there has been no sign of Prince Loki. When we discovered that you had gone out hunting, we hoped he was with you."

Thor swallowed then shook his head. "No… I haven't seen him since we bid goodbye to Mother and Father." He shivered. "He… he went to the library. After that, I made ready for the hunt."

The look of panic on the Einherjar's face was anything but a good sign.

"Loki…" Thor breathed. Then his hands tightened around the reigns. His body began to quake. The sky above them turned dark, and a rumbling sound rolled overhead. "Who?" he seethed. "Who dares to touch my brother?"

Sif turned to him, her eyes shining with worry. "Thor."

"Friends," Thor spoke in a low voice, "it seems that the true hunt has yet to begin." He dismounted, holding Mjolnir aloft. "Whoever dares to enter Asgard's halls and touch my brother shall not live long to regret his folly!" A bolt of lightning split the sky.

"My prince!" Now more Einherjars had gathered.

"I will _not_ go into hiding!" Thor bellowed, forgetting the fact that he had yet to even grow stubble, heedless that he was yet to be as tall as any of the warriors surrounding him. "Never! Not when my brother is in need of my aid."

The warriors three and Sif then nodded solemnly as they all jumped down from their horses to stand behind Thor.

"We are with you, My Prince," Fandral said, and the rest nodded their agreement.

"That Jotunn scum shall pay," Thor growled. "Brother!"

* * *

Loki screamed as a massive bolt of lightning streaked the sky, briefly lighting his hideaway from a nearby window. Oh All Father, Thor was here. Thor was here and he was furious!

Desperately Loki swirled his hands. _Change… change! Why can't I change? Alright, perhaps I don't need to change forms…. A glamour will be enough. Just a simple, stupid glamour._

As Loki tried to do just that, a cascade of ice erupted and speared the table in front of him, impaling the wood with frozen spikes. The splintering wood sent Loki shrieking as he tumbled backwards bulging eyes fixed on what was left of the table. Then he took in the room at large. He had done it again. Everything had turned to ice.

Loki swallowed, fighting against the tears welling in his eyes. Whenever he tried to do magic, any kind of magic, it came out as ice. He clutched his head as fresh waves of panic washed over him. What was going on?

"He's in here!" the yells sounded from outside, and Loki squeezed his eyes shut. He had tried to hide in one of the many studies of the palace, tried to collect himself so that he could change or think of a plan. Any plan.

Once again, the ice spread across the floor, crawling up the door. It would always give away his location. Loki was trembling as he stared at the door, which would soon be hammered down. Not knowing what else to do, he placed his hands on the ground and created a block of ice right in front of the door. Loki already knew that he was only putting off the inevitable. Again, he closed his eyes, shutting out the horrible scene that continued to unfold before them.

Just a few hours ago, he hadn't been able to do any ice magic. Now that was coming so easily to him, but everything else was lost. Even the tears on his face were turning to ice.

Why… why?!

The guards had nearly broken into his sanctuary. Desperate to escape, Loki ran to the window, crawling outside. As he reached the roof above, he heard the shouts beneath him:

"Blast! The slippery fiend."

How was Loki to explain this? He wasn't a Jotunn. Something had gone wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong. Why hadn't he done what his mother had asked him to? Wait. Make sure the spell was done correctly.

Hugging his legs to his chest, Loki buried his face in his knees as he choked down sobs alone on the rooftop. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He wasn't. Yet he wanted to call out for his mother so very badly.

Just then, out of nowhere, an arrow with a fiery tip came straight for Loki, and he screeched, just managing to jump aside in time.

"There! I told you my eyes were not playing tricks on me."

Startled, Loki crept forward and looked down to see Hogun with his bow. Next to him were Fandral, Volstagg, Sif, and Thor.

Thor.

His entire body seemed to be crackling. This certainly explained the rain that was soaking Loki's body and turning to ice as it made contact with his clothes.

Thor took a deep breath, and then he roared so that all of Asgard was sure to hear, "Where is Loki?!"

Loki scrambled back. He knew that even though Thor was not yet a fully-grown man, that hammer in his hand could still crush his skull. He crawled further backwards, stalling for time while he grasped for a plan. All too soon the sky sizzled with a familiar energy and with it came the Thunderer himself, hoisted up by his hammer, flying above Loki. Thor landed on the roof with a boom.

"Where," he seethed as he took a step forwards, "is… my… BROTHER?"

Loki retreated again, his frightened ruby red eyes the most visible part of him in the blackness of night. Then a lightning bolt crashed, illuminating Loki for a moment in its blinding flash.

"Jotunn scum!" Thor shouted, hammering down with a terrifying blow, breaking through the roof. Loki yelled as he jumped back. "I'll kill you!" Thor threatened. "I'll kill _all_ of you!"

Loki closed his eyes. He could not say a word. His body was frozen. Then suddenly he heard a panicked shuffling. Eyes flying open, Loki looked down to the startling realization that the ground beneath them was glare ice. Thor was slipping backwards, tumbling down the roof.

"No!" Thor took a step but kept sliding. "You tricky fiend!" he shouted, only to fall down once more.

Loki shook his head, still unable to move beyond that gesture of disbelief. He watched as a gust of wind pushed Thor, sending him sliding down. The elder prince tumbled to the edge of the roof and then fell to the ground, landing amongst Sif and the warriors three with a thud.

* * *

"Thor!" Sif shouted, frightened as the body of the young thunder god landed next to her. "Are you alright?"

Thor hissed as he sat up. "It's a slippery one," he stated, wiping his face on his arm. He looked up just in time to see the Jotunn scurry down the hole he had created with his hammer.

"How did it get in here?" Fandral asked.

"We'll soon find out when we catch him," Thor fumed. "We shall make him tell us everything… as I break his arms and legs!" As he rose, he couldn't help but smile.

"Thor?" Sif questioned.

"That's a Jotunn, a real Jotunn!" Thor pointed to the spot on the roof where the creature had disappeared. "I have never seen one in real life before. If we catch it then Father will surely be proud." Then he frowned. "Norns help him if he has harmed Loki," he rumbled, the thunder joining him, adding gravity to his words.

"What did it look like?" Fandral asked.

"Ghastly," Thor breathed. "Those eyes… demon eyes, and his skin… blue like dirty, frozen ice. It was truly a horrid sight." Then he frowned. "It was a bit small though. I thought frost _giants_ were supposed to be larger."

"Well, they do come in many sizes," Volstagg pointed out.

"Maybe he is just a runt who thought he was being clever," Hogun pointed out.

"Whatever that thing is," Thor looked up, gritting his teeth, "he shall not get away. No one touches my brother!"


	3. A horrible realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited by Serpina Silver

Loki once again closed his eyes. This was without a doubt the longest, most horrible night of his entire life. It was a nightmare! In fact, Loki was on the edge of convincing himself that the whole thing was nothing but a figment of his imagination. Perhaps he was actually asleep, and this was just a very, very bad dream.

Unfortunately, when he nearly relaxed because he had all but convinced himself of this, the comforting illusion was shattered by pain. His side burned from where a sword had managed to slice him. His leg stung where an arrow had grazed him. These sensations made it all too clear that he was awake.

The many hours that Loki had spent exploring the palace were finally put to good use. He knew every hallway, each secret passageway, and even the dusty, unused rooms better than anyone else. It would have been so easy to hide, if it hadn't been for the ice that haunted his every step. This couldn't go on though. What was Loki to do? If he managed to escape the palace, what would become of him? He would be outside with nowhere to hide.

From Thor's yells, it was obvious that no one had made the connection that Loki and the Jotunn were one and the same. And those yells were getting closer.

Once again, Loki was on the run, until he crashed into the all-too-familiar form of a warrior maiden. With a grim smile, she lifted her sword.

"Thor shall be most pleased."

"Sif!" Loki held up his hands. "Please don't. I… I don't want this!"

Sif's eyes narrowed. Then, stunned, she blinked. "That voice…" She shook her head. "No, Jotunns are known for their trickery!"

The hallways echoed with shouts. Pounding footsteps reverberated off the walls. The warriors three were coming. Thor would be here at any moment. Soon Loki would be surrounded with no chance for escape. He didn't have time for this.

"I'm sorry!" Loki shouted, creating a big block of ice that pushed Sif away.

Again, he took off running, dodging several arrows. Hogun was tailing him and not far behind ran Fandral brandishing his sword. Loki froze the floor with his ice and then slid on it himself, gliding much faster than he could have run.

Outside, the dark sky had slowly begun to take on a grayish hue. Soon the sun would rise. This was not good news for Loki. He had to think of something.

Finally, he rounded a corner and escaped into the great library. Slamming the doors behind him, he froze them shut before turning to the rows upon rows of books. The answer must be in here. Something… anything to turn him back. Please, for Helheim's sake! He rushed to the section on old magic, his body shaking so fiercely that he couldn't even grasp the spine of a book, his gasping breaths too quick for his eyes to focus on the titles. Then he froze as once again there was pounding at the door.

Desperate, Loki stilled his trembling hands enough to pull a couple of random books from the shelves. Then he turned, clutching them to his chest. With a flash of lightning and an earsplitting roll of thunder, the doors slammed inward. Of course, it was the thunder god himself who had managed to breach his fortress first.

Thor reached out his arm, gripping Mjolnir with white-knuckled hands. "You will not escape me now," he proclaimed.

Loki swallowed as he stepped backwards, gripping his books, not knowing what to do. He had never won a fight against Thor. Never. He always lost. No matter how hard he tried, how clever he thought he was, he would always lose. And this was no mere practice battle on the sparing grounds. This time the rage in Thor's eyes was real. His intent for murder was real. Loki whimpered, his mind failing him when he needed it most.

"I shall ask again," Thor stated, his footsteps echoing like the thunder outside and his voice a matching boom. He punctuated every word of his demand: "Where. Is. Loki?!"

At that, Loki's knees went weak. He slid to the floor, the books scattering around him like fallen comrades in a battle he knew he had already lost. He clutched his head and let out a pathetic scream. His shoulders trembled. He couldn't stop sniffling. Couldn't stop the tears falling from his eyes only to freeze on his face.

Thor was going to kill him. He was going to be killed by his own brother! He didn't want to die, not like this. Not like this.

There was an eerie silence as Loki sat there clutching his head. Thor, poised to strike, didn't move at all. The only sound in the room was Loki's sobbing and muffled cries. Then, slowly, Loki glanced up, realizing that Thor had indeed raised his hammer, but he wasn't slamming it down. Instead, he was looking at Loki with furrowed brown and confused eyes.

Unable to control himself, Loki launched for Thor's feet in a desperate hug, red eyes huge and pleading, only for Thor to jump back.

"N-no!" Thor stammered. "I… I know of Jotunn trickery." He pointed his hammer at Loki, though his had was shaking. "Y-you are just trying to… to trick me."

Wide eyed, Loki looked up, tears streaming down his face.

"You… you are a vicious beast?" It came out as more of a question than a statement. "You should be attacking me, should you not? I mean…" Thor swallowed and then his arm grew limp and fell at his side. "Where is Loki?" he finally asked, sounding less like a fearsome warrior and more like a pleading boy who had no idea what to do with himself. Although Thor would not hesitate to strike a raging beast or attacking enemy, a crying, cornered Jotunn he clearly had no idea how to handle.

Those tear-filled red eyes continued to stare up at him as Thor looked down with utter confusion and a touch of hopelessness in his own eyes.

"Listen," Thor tried again with a surprisingly calm voice, "just… tell me where Loki is, alright? Then I'll get you back to Jutunnheim." He cleared his throat, shuffling uncomfortably.

Those words made Loki gasp. Jotunnheim. He couldn't go to Jotunnheim. He didn't belong there! He broke into tears again, covering his eyes.

"Hey!" Thor exclaimed. "St-stop! I mean I… I'm not… What I mean is… I…"

Loki bawled. He wailed with shuddering gasps.

"I'm sorry!" Thor yelled, stunned. "Look. No hammer!" He dropped it on the ground. "Just stop, please!" He was outright begging, and Loki only cried harder.

"Bro-Brother!" he finally managed with a pathetic sob.

Thor blinked.

"It… it's me. S-something happened… and I… I can't change back!" he cried, shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs. "I tried, but I can't!" His voice rose in his desperation. His eyes, if possible, grew even larger. "Brother, please!"

Thor's eyes widened. For a while there was just confusion, bewilderment. Then slowly realization started to dawn on him. He gasped as confusion turned to shock. "Loki?" he asked.

Loki looked up at Thor, just as the first rays of sun filtered through the window, lifting the darkness. Thor's eyes that had been open in shock now turned to pure horror as he stumbled back.

"No," Thor breathed.

"Brother?" Loki asked.

"Loki, I… I'm so sorry," Thor gasped, trembling, his eyes filled with horror. "I didn't mean… I…" He fell to his knees, his entire body shaking. Then he covered his mouth as if he were about to vomit.

"Thor, stop! Don't hurt him!" Sif shouted as she burst through the door. "He's Loki! He—" She stopped at the sight of them. Thor on his knees, his entire body screaming shock and horror. Loki in front of him wide eyed, looking up. Sif froze taking in the scene. "Oh… You figured it out."

Slowly, Loki turned his head to look at Sif, his eyes hopeful.

Sif chewed her lip before she managed to speak again. "Not one single guard of Asgard has been hurt… If it were a true Jotunn intruder, then…" She swallowed. It was clear what she meant. There would have been at least a few slit throats.

Her words only made Thor gasp again. Just then, the warriors three came running in, bulging eyes taking in the scene.

Loki looked at them, his eyes still wide. "Please…" he asked, "help me."

Thor nodded. "Whatever you need, Brother." He sniffed. "I… I…" He was lost for words.

Sif, though, thought quickly and ran for the window to pull down the curtains. Then she strode to Loki and wrapped them around him like a cloak, forming a make-shift hood to hide his face.

"We need to get him out of here," Volstagg said.

Thor held out a shaking hand to Loki. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know," Loki sobbed hopelessly. "I… I attempted a spell. It was harmless, I swear! At least, it was supposed to be. Something must have gone wrong. I'm stuck. I can't change. I can't!" he gasped.

"Easy. Calm down," Hogun instructed. "Breathe. Panicking will help no one."

Loki took in a deep breath.

"What should we do?" Fandral asked.

Thor was shaking. "Protect my brother. I won't let anyone harm him."

"I'm afraid we'll have to hide him," Sif informed them. "Until the All-Father and All-Mother return. Surely they will be able to fix this."

"Hiding suits me well. I don't wish for anyone else to see me like this," Loki said, covering his eyes wearily.

Sif nodded as she put her hands on his shoulders and helped him to stand. Then she adjusted the curtain to cover his face. She pulled back her hands, startled. "Your skin… It's cold like a Jotunn's."

"It's not my real skin!" Loki hissed. "Obviously, something went wrong. Some… terrible curse."

"Of course, it's not. You are my brother," Thor nodded in agreement. "Loki, I…"

Loki glanced up, his ruby eyes briefly meeting Thor's before he looked down again.

"I'm… so sorry," Thor sniffed.

"It's alright," Loki replied. "Even a little flattering that you would go to such lengths for me."

"Of course, I would!" Thor exclaimed. "You're my brother!"

The corners of Loki's mouth turned up a bit, though the look in his eyes was still so hopeless that it caused Thor to turn away.

"Are you hale, Thor?" Fandral asked.

"I feel sick," Thor admitted, holding his forehead, which, true enough, looked clammy. "I… I raised my hammer at my brother." He pressed his hand to his mouth. "What have I done?"

"You thought he was a Jotunn intruder," Hogun reminded him.

"And that excuses my actions?" Thor exploded. "I should have stopped! I should have seen. I should have known. He's my brother!"

There was an uncomfortable silence as Thor gasped for breath, tears still silently running down Loki's face.

"Loki…" Thor breathed. For a moment their eyes were locked before Loki looked down. "If there is something I can do, _anything_ …" Thor pleaded.

Loki wrapped the curtain closer around himself. "I just…" he tried. "I actually regret not going on that hunt with you now," he admitted.

Thor was stunned into silence.

"I want to forget this stupid night ever happened," Loki said, closing his eyes.

Defeated, Thor sighed. "Well, there's always next time. You know I always hope you'll come along."

Loki did not respond.

Then finally, Thor dared to touch Loki's shoulder. When his brother did not shrug his hand away, Thor turned him around and guided him away. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

Loki nodded, willingly letting Thor guide him. His entire body was still shaking, and he was desperate for the strength of Thor's hand on his shoulder. For once, he just wanted his older brother to handle things.


	4. Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Edited by Serpina Silver.

Together Thor, the warriors three and Sif crept through the palace, keeping Loki shielded between them, still wrapped in the curtain. Each time they reached a corner, Hogan darted forward and glanced around to check if the coast was clear before he gave the signal for his companions to continue. The other four kept in a tight formation around Loki. The younger prince kept his head bowed and the curtain draped over his face as they slowly made their way downwards toward the secret passage. Finally, they slipped inside and continued down the winding passage until they reached a small room, one the princes had used in the past to hide from their parents.

As they stepped in Loki glanced around, noting the dust. Discarded in the corner was a small wooden horse that proved just how long it had been since their last visit. When Loki had been small, he had brought toys in here, he vaguely remembered. Hollowly, Loki stared at his old toy. Then he took in the rest. It was a very dull room. Just gray stone and a little furniture. It had been excellent as a children’s hide out, but now…

Loki sighed deeply as he let the curtain slip off his shoulders. He walked to the cot that stood against one wall, sunk down and leaned back with a groan. In silence, the others stared at Loki. He let out a second groan.

“This is most peculiar,” Fandral said. “That is so clearly Loki. His face and hair are as they have always been, but… well, he is blue… Jotunn.”

“Tiny Jotunn.” Hogun held up his hand, measuring Loki with a thumb and a finger from across the room.

“And, if I may say so, not all so ghastly as you claimed, Thor,” Volstagg commented, making Thor gasp.

“I said no such thing!” Thor proclaimed.

Sif leveled him with a skeptical gaze. “As I recall, you said demon eyes.”

“I did not!” Thor insisted, crossing his arms. “Stop telling tall tales.” Everyone just looked at him. Then Thor sighed as his arms dropped to his sides. He turned to his brother. “Loki… how fare you?” he asked, his voice wavering.

“Well, Thor,” Loki commented, not bothering to move from his position slumped on the cot with his head leaning back against the stone wall, his eyes wandering the ceiling, “I am stuck in this monstrous form. Half the palace is searching for me with the intention of bringing about my demise. I just passed the entire night running from my own brother. There’s a wound from a sword on my side and the remainder of an arrow in my thigh. All in all, I am doing _splendid_.” These last words came out in a sarcastic snarl.

The warriors couldn’t help but snort at that.

“If we had any doubts, they’re allayed now. That’s definitely Loki.” Sif’s smile gave way to a look of concern as she stepped forward. “The arrow?”

Loki nodded at his torn pants leg. While the shaft of the arrow had broken off, the head still protruded from the wound there.

“This is going to hurt,” Sif commented, pulling out a knife.

“I dare say. Just get it over with,” Loki said, and Sif nodded as she started to dig with her knife.

Loki hissed, clinching his teeth together but didn’t scream as the arrowhead finally found its way out. Then Sif ripped off a piece of her own cape and tied it snugly around Loki’s leg.

“Hogun, go to the healer’s room. Get some bandages and medical supplies,” Thor ordered. “Fandral, go fetch my brother clean clothes, blankets and pillows. He must be exhausted. Volstagg, find us some food.”

The warriors three all straightened up and replied with a “yes my prince” as they ran off.

“Thor…” Loki put in, surprisingly calm despite his pained whisper, “you should probably inform the guards… that the Jotunn got away or… something.”

“But I…” Thor turned to him.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Sif assured him. “We won’t let Loki be alone, I swear. And we won’t let any harm come to your brother.”

Thor was quiet for a while, then nodded. “Please, take care of him.”

Loki heaved a heavy sigh. Sif, though, nodded seriously. Finally, that big idiot of a brother left as Loki slid down to lie on his back.

“We should probably check that wound on your side too,” Sif commented. “You know how this goes. Strip.”

Loki groaned but pulled off his tunic only to reveal a blue body covered with ridges in an undeniably elegant design. Wide eyed, Sif looked at it, and Loki snorted. “Oh please, keep staring at the freak.”

“Sorry.” Sift glanced away. “I’ve never seen a Jotunn before either,” she admitted. Then she turned her attention to his wound, which was oozing. The blood was not red but seemed oddly purple. “You really did a number with this spell, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” Loki muttered as he laid on his side, fully exposing the gash.

Sif smirked over the pure familiarity and started to clean. “It’s a clean cut at least. Do healing stones work on Jotunns?”

“No idea,” Loki grumbled. “I’ve never had a reason to study Jotunn physiology. What knowledge we require is simple enough. You sever their head or pierce their heart, and they are dead. That, at least, is the same.”

“True,” Sif nodded as she sat back.

Loki’s frown transformed into a glare. “Why are you doing this, Sif?”

“What do you mean?” Sif asked. “I am treating a wounded comrade.”

“Being nice to me,” Loki clarified, his jaw set. “You don’t even like me.”

Sif’s mouth became a thin line. “Whether I like you or don’t like you, it matters not. I am honor bound to protect the royal family, regardless of personal feelings. That includes you.”

“You don’t have to be nice to me to protect me,” Loki pointed out.

“I swear, sometimes it’s like you don’t _want_ me to like you,” Sif huffed.

Loki closed his eyes then rested his head on his arm. “Thank you… for stepping in. If Thor hadn’t realized on his own that it was me, your deduction may well have been the thing that saved my life.”

Sif swallowed. “I can’t imagine… what a horrible scenario could have played out,” she admitted. “I thank the Norns it didn’t come to that.”

Loki nodded slowly. “Sif… why are you always tailing after those four?”

“They are my friends, and it is my honor to fight alongside them,” Sif stated.

“Yes, but…” Loki turned his head. “You are the smartest one of the group, and yet they make you tag along. That doesn’t seem right…. And you keep following them like a dog eager for its master’s attention when it should be the other way around. You showed it once again tonight, putting two and two together when none of the others could.”

“It’s not like that!” Sif exclaimed, her cheeks red. “They are my friends. It is an honor to be considered Thor’s confidant.”

“I am merely saying you could do better,” Loki stated.

“Now you’re doing it again,” Sif hissed. “Trying to put wedges between friends. This! This is why we don’t get along.” She threw down the cloth that she had used to clean Loki’s wound.

Loki didn’t reply but just laid there unfazed by her outburst.

Sif groaned but picked up the cloth and started cleaning again, only to give an extra hard press.

“Ow!” Loki yelled. “What was that for?”

Sif smirked grimly. “I don’t have to be nice to you to protect you,” she reminded him.

Loki returned her smirk. “And you’ve got your wit about you too,” he complimented.

Sif sighed. She had to admit, this passive aggressive banter actually felt nice. It was familiar. Normal. Things would be just fine and go back to normal soon. At least Sif sincerely hoped they would.


	5. Naked truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by Serpina Silver

Loki hissed as he made circles with his hands, icy blue sparks replace the familiar green. "Come on…. Come on!"

"Loki!" Sif exclaimed. "You are making it colder in here!"

"Then by all means, put on another blanket," Loki growled. He grabbed one of the blankets that Fandral had brought and hurled it at Sif's face, making her stumble backwards.

"Brother-" Thor began.

"I am _trying_!" Loki cut him off. "Can you not see that? I have tried shape shifting and now I am attempting a glamour. Both just come out as ice!" His voice rose with his frustration.

"Perhaps you could take a break, for a while at least?" Sif pleaded, shivering. "It is cold as Jotunheim in here."

Loki glared at her, and Sif huffed.

"Well, for your information, I find it to be quite hot in here," Loki informed them. "As it happens, you can just put on an extra blanket, while I would have to strip, which I don't believe is something that any of us want."

The door opened, making everyone tense, but it was just Fandral carrying a stack of books. "Behold, I have found them!" he announced. "I must say, getting the one Loki was working with in his own chambers was quite the feat. His rooms were overrun by Einherjar trying to discover how the Jotunn got in, and well, you know… where the prince went… how no one noticed." He deposited the big pile of books on the floor with a thud.

Loki snorted but stopped his spell casting for now as he reached for the books. Selecting the one he had been using on the previous evening, he flipped through it and at last opened to the correct page. "Alright… Surely, I did something wrong. I must have," he muttered, looking over the spell. "Lay bare your true potential…" Then he halted, looking up with wide eyes.

"Loki?" Thor asked.

"This book is useless," Loki seethed as he tossed it away and reached for another. "It is full of nothing but lies! It tricked me!"

"It is unlikely that the book is to blame," Hogun pointed out.

Loki, however, turned away, hiding the tears in his eyes and then swept them away with the back of his hand.

"You will discover the answer, Brother…. I'm sure of it." Thor smiled lightly. "If anyone can, then it is you."

Loki was quiet. Too quiet.

"Your Highness?" Fandral asked, only for Loki to sneer:

"Be silent! Unless one of you idiots can contribute something useful, you might as well leave!"

Sif raised an eyebrow. "Do you not believe this attitude of yours is behind at least some of your issues?" Loki snarled in reply, and Sif scoffed. "We are only trying to help you."

"Loki is right, though. At least we can make ourselves useful," Thor stated as he picked up a book, turning it over in his hands. "What am I looking for exactly?" he asked, and Loki groaned.

"You are holding a book on the basics of transformation. I am currently stuck in this form. We are looking for a way to get me unstuck," Loki pointed out.

"Ah…" Thor opened the book then halted. "I… I'm afraid I am not smart enough for this one," he admitted then put it down and picked up another. "Huh, Jotunn biology. This, I believe I can handle," he commented as he sat down with the book, actually studying. Out of all the things that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, surely this was the most surprising.

And so, the studying began. As the day passed on, Loki's mood didn't improve at all. When he became frustrated, snow would appear inside the room, much in the same way that thunder would come when Thor got angry. Neither seemed to have much control over this.

Sometimes Loki would grow quiet. Then he would get snappy. Sometimes he would even throw books. As the hours dragged on, it seemed that he got increasingly more frustrated. He clutched his head, pulling his hair and yelling as once again the sun began to sink outside.

"Loki… all will be well," Thor assured him again, for what must have been the five thousandth time.

Loki hissed and squinted his eyes. He held his head. "It's not true…. It cannot be true…."

Thor and the other four blinked, confused.

"There must be something in here!" Loki roared, snatching a book, opening it, and then thrusting it aside. "In here? No, here!" Franticly, he picked them up one after the other, books he had already gone through, some of them twice.

"Loki, calm yourself," Volstagg boomed.

"I shall not!" Loki shouted, releasing a great gust of icy wind. The force of it knocked them down. Then suddenly, there was quiet. Quiet as Loki stood in the middle of the group of startled friends, tears falling down his face. "Do you not understand?" he asked. "Do none of you see?"

There was only confusion on their faces.

"Transformation…" Loki sniffed, "normally wears off." Trembling, he looked at them. "You need to actively feed it magic…. Somehow, I feel… I am certain that I have more magic in this form, not less." He swallowed. "The original spell was intended to reveal my true potential…. This is what it revealed. I… I didn't curse myself. I broke the spell placed upon me." He fell to his knees. "It's not true…. It's not true." He held his head. "It's not true!"

There was stunned silence as the others in the room tried to take in what Loki had said. Then suddenly, Thor shook his head.

"Don't be a fool, Loki. That is impossible. You are my brother," Thor proclaimed.

Loki swallowed thickly as he looked up. "Thor… I don't like being touched."

"So?" Thor asked.

"On Jotunheim, it is considered very rude to touch someone outside of your immediate family. It is the opposite of Asgard."

Thor's eyes widened.

"Jotunns, unlike Asgardians, prefer solitude…. In their eyes, the loud parties of Asgard are disguising, even barbaric…. I don't like those parties. They are too loud for me, too many people…. I prefer solitude."

Thor shook his head. "No… What are you saying? Do not say it."

Loki sniffed. Then he gave way to sobs. "Jotunns…" his voice broke, "…are particular about their food… unlike… unlike…" He couldn't even finish. "I was always different!" he cried. "You _all_ knew it! Everyone in this room… You knew I was different from the start! I was _always_ different! It's because… It's because…"

"I said do _not_ say it!" Thor shouted.

"I am Jotunn," Loki finished.

There was absolute quiet, except for Loki's muffled cries.

"No! NO! It is not true!" Thor roared, lightning escaping his body. "You are my brother! MY BROTHER!"

"For all we know, I might have been exchanged at birth. There could be another Loki on Jotunheim thinking he is Jotunn," Loki pointed out, still shaking.

"I do not care!" Thor spat. "If there is, I don't want him."

"Or I am stolen war goods," Loki conjectured. "Or a bargaining tool."

"Cease this foolishness!" Thor screamed. With a cry, he picked up a table and flung it into the wall where it smashed. "You are my brother!"

Loki broke before them, crumpling to a sobbing heap on the floor. That seemed to make Thor go quiet, his body shivering too as he fell to his knees. Everyone was shocked. All they could hear was Loki's muffled sobs. There was no way this was an act. Loki's emotions were too raw, too real. And his words?

Ashamed, Sif squinted her eyes. It was true. She had noticed Loki was different even though she had never said it out loud. In fact, she had never thought much about it, just known on a subconscious level that he was strange and different. This was the first time any of them had realized how self-aware Loki was of that very fact. The first time they had heard it spoken aloud and with so much pain. Pain that wasn't new at all. It had always been there. Now, though, this burden had finally become too great, and the pain had come boiling to the surface at last.

"Is… is that how you really feel?" Sif finally dared to ask. "Like you are-"

"Why?" Loki whispered. "I don't want to be different. I want to be like you!" He looked up with wet eyes. "Why can I not be like you? Any of you?"

It was such a childish sentence, and that was also what made it so sincere. Suddenly, it became clear what Loki truly felt and how it was eating him from the inside out. All day, every day. It was just now, when he had been pushed to this extreme that the words came out. And now as the words came out, the others understood, if only a little bit.

"I do not belong here at all. I am from… from…" Loki sniffed, unable to finish the sentence.

"Loki…" Thor reached a shaking hand for him. "Please… don't leave," he begged. "I need you here! I don't care. Do you understand? You cannot go! You're my brother!" His voice was trembling, and his urge so very real as his hands reached out for Loki, desperate, simply desperate to reach him, to touch him. "My brother!" his voice broke.

"I do not want to go," Loki sobbed. "How could I? Jotunheim is an awful place!"

Thor shuddered as he pulled back his arms. "Loki… I…"

Loki swallowed.

"Would you permit me… to hug you?" Thor asked.

Loki looked up. "Why would you even ask permission for that? You've never done so before."

"Because… you don't like being touched." Thor swallowed. "But I want nothing more than to hug you," he bawled.

Loki sniffed, then gave Thor an affirmative nod, and Thor crawled forward and wrapped his arms around Loki in a tight embrace. "I shall not let them take you," he stated. "They will not take my brother away from me!"

"We shall defend the prince!" Volstagg stated, and the other three all nodded, standing in proud, straight formation.

Loki peered over Thor's shoulder. "Are you truly that stupid?" he asked. "Do you not understand? If I am not even Aesir, that means…" He swallowed. "I am no prince of Asgard…. It's a lie… _Everything_ is a lie."

"Yes, you are a prince of Asgard!" Sif stated firmly. "In our eyes, you are. Nothing has changed."

Wide eyed, Loki looked up, and Thor turned his head as all four warriors knelt before them. Loki swallowed. He had no idea if they were doing this to appease Thor or genuinely out of a sense of duty. However, he could not deny that he was touched, so he offered them a nod.

"Prince Loki," Fandral then spoke, "asking for permission to hug."

Loki offered them a short nod. "You may hug," he stated, and all four of them leapt forward to joining the big group hug.

Loki squirmed a bit in the middle. As usual an uncomfortable tingle ran up his spine, but soon he relaxed. They all retreated, smiling lightly. Even Loki smiled a bit as he dried his eyes, but it was short-lived as his sobs returned.

He was still shaking. His world was in a tumult. If this were true, then everything had changed. Everything he thought he knew was a lie. Who was he? Why was he here? Where did he come from? It felt like he was stumbling down a hole and falling endlessly. The ground under his feet had vanished. But he could not deny that it helped having such a rock beside him to cling onto. Indeed, Thor was that rock right now, holding him tight, stubbornly refusing to let go. The big, dumb oaf.


	6. Return to self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by Serpina Silver

Thor cradled Loki in his arms as his brother rested. Even through the blanket between them, the contact had brought an uncomfortable chill to the elder prince's skin. He didn't care though. He didn't want to let go.

Not his brother. Not his brother.

Again and again, he tried to go over what Loki had said with such desperation in his voice.

_I am different! I have always been different!_

Pulling Loki's sleeping body closer, Thor closed his eyes. He hated that they needed to use a blanket to separate their bodies to prevent frost bite as they shared the only cot in the room. So, this is what Loki thought? Thor had never heard Loki say anything like that before and certainly not with such a desperate yearning in his voice, such raw pain.

Sure, he would often complain that people didn't like him, but Thor had always laughed it off. He didn't believe it. Loki was wonderful. He was smart, funny, way too cleaver, playful, diligent, loyal, dedicated to his family… How could people not like him?

Jotunn? Unthinkable! The horrible Frost Giants who's only wish was to see Asgard gone, who had killed so many innocent Asgardians in times past… Loki wasn't one of them. Not Loki.

Even as Thor held his brother tight, Loki did not wake up. No wonder really. He had been awake for an entire day, an entire night and then an entire day again. Scared out of his mind. Thinking he was a Jotunn long before anyone else had caught on. That was the cause of his sarcasm and his violet outbursts alike. He had realized the truth and then tried desperately to find another explanation.

It could not be true though. What did it matter if Jotunns didn't like being touched as Loki didn't? Mere coincidence. So what if they preferred solitude to loud parties? Even if that was typical Jotunn behavior rather than typical Asgardian behavior, Loki was Loki. Suddenly a thought struck Thor like lightning. It didn't matter if Loki was a Jotunn or an Aesir. Loki was still Loki.

Thor smiled as his heart warmed. Loki stirred a bit, then groaned as he turned his head, and two ruby red eyes looked at Thor.

"Sorry." Thor moved a bit away.

"It's alright," Loki informed him as he laid down again. "I never meant to imply that you cannot touch me…. It was nice that you asked though," he admitted, laying his head back down. "It does not feel so bad when I know it's coming so… thank you."

"Loki," Thor swallowed. "Even if you are Jotunn… it makes no difference."

Loki was quiet.

"If you are Aesir or Jotunn, it matters not. You are still Loki," Thor went on with a more secure tone.

Finally, Loki turned his gaze to meet Thor's. It was hard to read Loki's face here in the dark. His red eyes were visible; that, however, didn't make them any easier to read. "Am I, though?" he asked.

"Yes!" Thor exclaimed. "You are Loki, the mischievous one, the nightmare of the nurse maid, mother's protégé, my brother."

Loki swallowed.

"Do you realize the strangest thing about all of this?" Thor asked and Loki shook his head. "Whoever did this to you… Whoever brought you here and dressed you up as an Aesir… I cannot hate that person. I am thankful. They allowed me to have an amazing brother and-" his voice broke, "I don't want anyone else. You're the only brother I need."

Loki's lips tipped upwards a bit. He couldn't stop it as tears slipped from his eyes.

Thor swallowed. "Loki… do you really feel so different?"

Loki nodded slowly. "I am very different. You know that too. Do you not?"

"Well… I…" Thor halted. "I have always found that endearing… interesting," he admitted. "You weren't like everyone else. I suppose I never thought much about it."

"I wish that I were more like the others," Loki admitted. "I… I wish I could enjoy the group hugs and the big brawls. I wish I enjoyed those parties. I always attend. I want to be like you, but I hate every moment of it. I despise being so different. I've often wondered why I do not like the things you do… what is wrong with me." He halted. "Well, I now have the answer…. I am Jotunn."

Thor swallowed. His chest was aching. He tried to find words, and as he spoke them, he stumbled across them. "I… I am glad you are not like everyone else, but just as you are. You would not be Loki if you acted any differently than you do now," Thor stated then rolled onto his back.

"You think me odd too, do you not," Loki asked, "for not wanting to be in any of the brawls?"

"No… I think you are smarter than the rest of us," Thor informed him. "Loki… in the future… if there are things you don't want to do, please tell me. I swear, I shall not think you odd. You're just… _you_."

Loki swallowed. Then Thor reached out and grabbed Loki's hand.

"I do not _want_ you to be anyone other than you! _You_ are my brother. Whatever the future brings, we shall face it together. As brothers," Thor assured him. Then he noticed the hand he had taken hold of. It wasn't cold as ice. He turned and saw Loki's pale face, his skin nearly white, his eyes sparkling green. "Loki!" he gasped. "You're…"

Loki gave a grim smirk in reply. "Basics of magic… Magic is tied to your emotions. I had no control over my own emotions. I was…" he halted, "panicking, so I could not control my magic…. I am better now."

"Thank the Norns." Thor exhaled deeply, dropping back down. Then his eyes widened, and he sat up. "N-not that I mind the blue look! It's just having the palace trying to… you know… hunt you. That is not good! But if they were not doing that, I wouldn't… I mean…"

Loki tilted his head. "Was I truly so ugly in your eyes?"

"What? No!" Thor shouted, and Loki frowned. "Honestly, you just looked like… well, yourself. If that is what a Jotunn really looks like, that is… underwhelming. N-not that I think that." It was clear that Thor was only digging himself a deeper pit in trying to escape his own jumbled words. Loki smiled, amused.

Thor laughed a bit awkwardly. Loki turned back, dismissing their previous conversation, returning to the topic at hand.

"One thing is perfectly clear," Loki breathed. "I… I shape shifted away from my true form. I can feel it… my magic is weaker in this form. It feels more constricted. This…" His eyes turned misty again. "This is not my true form."

Thor's hand tightened around Loki's. "What does it matter? I already informed you, you are still Loki."

Loki smiled lightly. "You are an utter oaf."

"If I were not, I wouldn't be Thor, the God of Thunder!" Thor proclaimed. "Brother of Loki!"

Loki smirked. Then he turned to his back. "Well, perhaps now that I have regained control of my shape shifting, we should return to the surface… so the guards stop believing me dead."

"It can wait," Thor shrugged.

"They might be sending entire platoons out into the wilderness to look for me… Perhaps they will even go to Jotunheim. This could be a political disaster…. Father wouldn't like that."

Thor sighed deeply. "Fine."

He sat up on the cot, then looked down at the floor where the warriors three and Lady Sif were all sleeping. Loki had assured them all that they could go home. They had all elected to stay. Loki swung his feet to the floor and walked over to Sif, kneeling and giving her shoulder a firm shake.

"Urgh," Sif groaned, then looked up. "Loki?"

"Come on. We are getting out of here," Loki informed her as the other three started to stir.

"Loki… you are no longer blue," Fandral commented.

"Fandral, you are as observant as ever, I see," Loki snorted. "Let's get up there before they burn down half the palace in search of a Jotunn that was never there."

The others nodded as they got up, stretching their arms and yawning. The fun had only just begun. How were they going to explain any of this?


	7. A helpful lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by Serpina Silver

It was predictable. As Loki finally emerged with the others, even though it was the middle of the night, there were still guards patrolling all throughout the palace grounds. When they sighted him, a shout rang out:

"Prince Loki!"

Several Einherjars sprinted toward them and knelt at their feet.

"You are well!"

"We thank the All Father's grace!"

Loki sighed. "I was never in any danger to begin with," he informed them. "I merely traveled to the waters of serenity outside of town to meditate. I do, however, apologize that I failed to inform anyone." He offered them an elegant bow. "I wished to be alone to reflect. I should, I see, have informed someone of my whereabouts."

Thor glanced at Loki. After so many centuries, he still had to admire how easily Loki made up and delivered the lie. It was a clever one that managed to leave Thor and the others out of any involvement. They had no need to lie themselves or keep track of any lies.

"I see. This is most fortunate," one of the guards nodded. "A Jotunn was found in your chambers, my prince. We can only believe it was an attempt on your life."

Loki nodded, holding his hands behind his back. "That is a fair assumption. And this Jotunn, where is he now?"

"We do not know, Your Highness. We combed the palace and the city but have found no sign of him since last morning when it seems he slipped away."

"Then he must have left the way he came," Loki commented. "Chances are he is back on Jotunheim now. You may end this futile search."

"Jotunheim broke the treaty!" another soldier seethed. "This is cause for war."

Thor swallowed, nervousness stealing over him. Even he could see that if they attacked Jotunheim seemingly unprovoked it would be a grave mistake.

Loki held up a hand. "The Jotunn you found in my chambers was alone, yes?"

The Einherjar nodded.

"Then what is to say he wasn't a rouge agent?" Loki asked. "If Jotunheim's court had found a way into our palace, surely they would have brought an army rather than sending a single Jotunn intruder who cannot even accomplish a simple assassination. Hel, the fool entered the chambers of the second prince rather than the crown prince. This attempt reeks of the poorly thought out plan of an amateur."

There was stunned silence. Slowly, the Einherjars nodded.

"Should we contact Jotunheim?" one guard questioned. "Ask them to hand over the intruder?"

"That would be ill-advised," Loki scoffed, crossing his arms. "That Jotunn may be an utter amateur, but he found a way to get to Asgard and into the palace. If the Jotunn court realize this, they will not hand him over readily. They will be certain to extract this valuable information from him. So, may I suggest, that you first find out how he got here. Then, when you have closed off that entrance point, you will inform Jotunheim and ask that they deliver the individual who attempted this grievous crime."

The Einherjar swallowed. One by one, the guards' eyes drifted to Thor for confirmation on these orders, making Loki's lip twitch with a bit of annoyance.

"Er… yes, do as he said," Thor informed them. "Go. Inform the others that my brother is safe and sound and follow his instructions to the letter."

They all nodded and then went on their way, shouting the news.

Loki sighed deeply, holding his forehead. Political disaster averted. Thank the Norns! Hopefully they could cover this up for their parents too. Loki really had no desire to make up any excuses to them.

"Brother," Thor spoke quietly, "you are incredible."

Loki turned to look at the others whom all seemed slightly shocked.

"I… I had no idea what to say," Sif admitted. "I could not stop my own body from shaking, let alone come up with answers to their queries."

The other three nodded in agreement.

Loki pointed at himself. "Liesmith," he said simply. Then he halted. "I suppose… another Jotunn trait." He swallowed. "I…"

Thor shook his head then placed his hands on Loki's shoulders. "A great gift, which has just saved us all yet again," he stated, making Loki glance up. "I admit it is… not quite in keeping with the honor codes of Asgard." He smiled lightly. "But you just averted great disaster with a few well thought out words. Be proud, Brother."

"I admit, I feel conflicted," Sif said. "Lies, as a rule, are dishonorable. However, if they had attacked Jotunheim for… for this… I don't think I would be able to bear it. They are barbaric, yes, but when we attack it must be for the right reasons."

"Well, perhaps not barbaric per se," Hogun put in. "Different from us." He looked at Loki. They all did, making Loki step back, feeling nervous.

"I won't pretend that I understand much of this," Volstagg shook his head. "Being different is no crime, and it should not be treated as one! Still, it is… strange."

Loki glanced down. "I am different…. I was always different," he breathed then looked up. "But even so, in these last hours you have helped me in my time of need. I thank you."

There was stunned silence followed by light smiles all around.

"Always," Sif affirmed, and Loki nodded his head then turned back to walk towards his own chambers, quickly followed by the others.


	8. Hopeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by Serpina Silver

As Loki entered his chambers, he took one short glance around, cataloguing all the items that had been cleaned up for him in his absence. He knew that several pieces of furniture, and the items on top of them as well, had fallen down. Those had all been picked up and put back into order. The room looked unremarkable, as if nothing had happened. The ice too was long gone, melted and mopped away.

With a sigh, Loki trudged to his bed, flopped down on his stomach, and then didn't move. Thor hesitated a bit but then sat down next to the bed. Sif and the warriors three followed his example. If Loki noticed, he didn't react. He just lay still.

As Thor woke the next morning, he saw that Loki was still lying just like that, flat on his stomach, fully dressed. It really didn't look like he had moved an inch.

Thor cleared his throat. "I believe it will soon be time for the morning feast," he stated.

"Then go," Loki murmured.

"We all need to go," Thor said.

"I'm not hungry," Loki replied.

Thor was quiet for a moment as he looked at Loki. Then he cleared his throat again. "I can bring you something if you wish."

"No thank you," Loki muttered.

Thor and the others blinked and looked at each other then back to Loki.

"Loki, you are being rude," Sif informed him.

"I do not care." Loki rolled over so that he was lying on his side with his back to them. "Leave me!"

Thor sighed. "Might I ask one of you to fetch food for my brother and I?"

"Indeed." Volstagg stood up.

Fandral followed. "Any desires, my prince?"

"Loki prefers fresh fruit and herbal teas for his morning feasts. Bring that," Thor requested.

"Yes, my prince." Volstagg and Fandral bowed and left.

When they returned, Loki still hadn't moved. As they put down the items, he didn't acknowledge them. He stayed as he was, still and silent. As the day wore on, this continued. When Loki finally did say something it was in curt, rude and nasty replies, and still he refused to move from his place on the bed.

By late afternoon, Thor was caught somewhere between impressed and worried. His brother had managed to lie still for most of the day. It seemed like he was going to continue, potentially for days if he was allowed to. He refused to even touch the food they brought him.

This didn't change as dinner was brought that evening. Thor had thought he was being clever when he sent Hogun to town to buy some sugarcoated almonds, which he knew for a fact were Loki's favorite treat. Even the almonds couldn't tempt him. They just sat in their bowl beside Loki's bed. Untouched.

On the second day, nothing changed. Even when Fandral had approached and poked Loki with a stick, Loki hadn't moved. He hadn't even sneered a nasty reply, just lay motionless.

The third day arrived. By this time, it was getting ridiculous. Didn't Loki need to use the lavatory or something? Was this even physically possible? Had Loki turned himself into a plant and made roots in his bed?

"Brother, you must eat!" Thor demanded as he stood with a plate with fruits and pieces of bread for Loki's breakfast that day.

Loki didn't reply, just lay there, as usual.

"The fruit is freshly harvested, and the peaches are ripe," Thor informed him, pressing the plate towards Loki's face. Loki didn't move.

Thor swallowed. This was even worse than when Loki was angry. He was just lying there with a dead look in his eyes, his body limp, his face expressionless.

"You have not eaten for days! Surely you must be famished by now," Thor prodded.

Loki gave no reaction. None whatsoever.

Sif swallowed. "I… I take it back. I wish that he were being rude to me," she admitted.

The warriors had started to take turns. Thor had been with Loki for the majority of the time. He barely even left. The warriors, though, knew they had to keep up appearances, so they covered for Thor and Loki, claiming Thor was out to do some sword practice and Loki was out meditating or searching for the way the Jotun got into the palace.

"Loki!" Thor yelled.

Slowly, Loki's eyes moved, glancing up at Thor. Then he returned to starring into nothingness. Thor frowned. A determination came over him as he put aside the plate. Then he grabbed Loki's arms and pulled him up. Loki was limp as a rag doll.

"Loki!" Thor tried to shake the limp figure, only for Loki to glance up and then down again. Thor hissed, "You have brought this upon yourself!" With that, he flung Loki over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Thor, what are you doing?" Sif asked.

"Taking Loki outside. This is not good for him," Thor proclaimed.

That finally got a reaction out of Loki, "What?"

"Oh, so you are not dead? That is indeed good news, Brother," Thor stated.

"Where are you taking me?" Loki demanded. "You cannot do this! I must look ridiculous over your shoulder!"

"You should have thought of that before you refused to get up on your own," Thor informed him briskly.

"Unhand me!" Loki shouted, his arms flailing. "I refuse to leave this room! Thor!" He started hammering on Thor's back. Thor only laughed.

"So, you have awakened from your slumber at last, Brother?" Thor boomed. "This is a joyous occasion. We shall celebrate with breakfast in the gardens. _Outside!"_

"You… you big dumb oaf!" Loki screamed from Thor's back as Thor simply walked to the door and kicked it open, then walked out, carrying his protesting brother all the way.

Thor grinned. "Behold my genius! It worked. Loki is outside of his room."

"Put me down this instant!" Loki yelled, once again pounding at Thor with his fists. His weak blows had no effect.

Sif smiled. "I agree. An excellent idea." She picked up the plate with Loki's breakfast. "Shall we?"

"Aye," Thor nodded as he trotted towards the gardens with a complaining Loki over his shoulder.

Eventually, as Thor walked Loki gave up and laid heavily across Thor's back as they made their way out into the gardens, followed by Sif. When they came to a bench beside the lake, Thor put Loki down, only to earn a sudden glare. It was a very welcome glare. Anything was better than Loki's previous catatonic state.

Thor grinned as he picked up a piece of fruit. "Now say ahhhhhhh."

"Thor, I am not a baby!" Loki shouted. "I can eat my own cursed food!"

"Really?" Sif asked. "Then what's stopping you?"

Loki glared at her.

"Loki, if you do not eat, we shall be forced to make you," Sif informed him.

Loki pursed his lips, his eyes shooting daggers, which didn't have much of an effect when Sif wanted this behavior from him. It was better than the pure apathy from a short while ago.

Finally, he reached for the fruit and stuffed it into his mouth in anger, chewed and swallowed. "There. Happy?" he asked.

Thor's beaming face was answer enough, and Loki groaned but reached for another piece of fruit and ate it more normally. "You are both fools," he grumbled. "Why are you still here?"

Sif opened her mouth.

"Ah yes, duty bound to protect the royal family." Loki snorted, sucking his fingers, and Sif closed her mouth again. "But I am not of the royal family, remember? I'm not…"

"Loki," Sif said softly, "we grew up together. We have known each other since neither of us could form a proper sentence. In a way, that makes us family." She shook her head. "You are much like an incredibly annoying brother to me. I cannot merely let this go."

Loki was silent then turned to Sif.

"Now that I say it aloud… it feels truer than ever," Sif smiled amused.

Loki swallowed, then turned his head away. It was too late though. Both Thor and Sif had seen the tears that now slowly fell down his face, but Loki reached for more fruit and ate in silence. "Siblings are annoying," he muttered.

Sif nodded. "Agreed. Can I get you something?"

Loki hesitated. "I would like a cup of tea," he said. "Lavender, if they have any."

"With one drop of milk, no sugar, carefully mixed. I know," Sif assured him as she rose. "The thing is about siblings… you are never free of them. They will never leave you alone, especially not at a time like this. So, if you wish for my advice, accept it." With that, she walked away.

That left Thor and Loki alone. Thor cleared his throat. "Loki… are you… Are you hale?" he finally asked.

"I think it quite obvious that I am not," Loki commented, eating a piece of fruit.

"Ah," Thor nodded. "Yes, that… erhm. What ails you? I mean… What is on your mind? That is, if you want to tell me… I mean…" He halted.

Loki swallowed. "I am frightened, Thor," he admitted. "As I lay, all of these thoughts kept running through my head… Am I a weapon? A bargaining tool? Why this lie? Who? Why? Any explanation I came to more horrible than the last… I do not like this!" He squinted his eyes. "What does this mean? Who am I?"

"I told you, did I not?" Thor asked. "You are Loki! The nursemaid's worst nightmare, mother's protégé, my brother."

Loki smiled lightly. Then his smile faltered. "I believe… I believe Mother knew about this. That is why she didn't want me to use the spell. She knew but did not want me to discover the truth. Why?" He asked, looking up. "Am I not supposed to find out? What are they going to do to me if they realize that I know?"

"Nothing! I won't let them," Thor declared.

"What if it is Father who decides that—" Loki began.

"I do not care!" Thor cut him off. "Even the All Father and the All Mother cannot take my brother from me!"

"You would go against the All Father?" Loki asked.

Thor nodded without hesitation. "Aye."

Loki shook his head. "You truly are an oaf."

"Aye," Thor agreed. "That is why I need you around. I am not very good at the thinking side of things."

And Loki snorted, so much he nearly spit out the piece of fruit in his mouth. Thor beamed, very pleased with himself.

Mission successful.


	9. A game of cheat

During the rest of the day, Loki's mood was something Thor would consider an improvement. Anything was better than him just laying on his stomach refusing to move. At least now Loki was attempting to act normal, picking up a few books to study, and attending some of his lessons. Both Thor and Loki had missed out on the last few days of lessons, and they both received their appropriate scolding.

However, it was clear that Loki wasn't well. He often shut himself off only to hiss at people before growing quiet again. Then he would sit in an odd silence, holding his book but not actually reading it. When someone said something, he would fly off the handle, and only Thor and his friends knew why. Eventually, Loki would apologize and walk off to some lonely room.

In the evening, Thor found him sulking in one of the palace's many studies and had simply grabbed Loki by the arm, pulling him along.

"Release me!" Loki demanded. "I do not need anything!"

Loki had no choice though, as Thor pulled him into his own chambers. There were the warriors three and Sif, sitting in a circle. In the middle was a stack of playing cards as well as some snacks. Loki looked at Thor.

"You were never able to say no to a game of cards," Thor smirked at Loki.

Loki scoffed, looking over the setup. Sif patted the empty place beside her, and Loki sighed but finally gave in and sat down.

"Do try not to cheat this time," Fandral chuckled.

"It was one time," Loki proclaimed.

"Was it really?" Hogun asked.

"Well, it's hardly cheating when you are not being caught," Loki said as he crossed his arms. Then he halted, grew quiet, and his head bowed as he squinted his eyes.

Thor sighed. Right. Jotunns were known for being cheaters, among many other things that Asgardians found disgraceful. They were also known for tearing the heads off their enemies, drinking blood, and never bathing, none of which seemed like Loki.

"I believe I have the perfect game," Thor said. "It is called cheat." They all turned to him. "I… learned this game in Vanaheim some years ago. It was most enjoyable then."

Loki frowned. "If you thought as much, why did we never play it?"

"Because you would win every round," Thor sighed. "I have a terrible poker face."

"Do you pity me so much that you are giving me a win to make me feel better?" Loki asked.

"No," Thor shook his head as he shuffled the cards. "This is a game where you are _supposed_ to cheat. Thus, you won't be breaking the rules, and no one can accuse you of deception."

"Ah. You just assume I always cheat then?" Loki ground out.

Thor frowned, annoyed. The others were too. Loki was not taking this well. It was clear that Thor was struggling. His temper was rising as he closed his eyes, his body tense. Holding back his temper was not something in Thor's skillset. Finally, he exhaled. "Try it. I am certain the game will amuse you." He smiled, though the smile seemed forced. Thor looked like he was a hair away from snapping.

Loki scowled but realized he had no choice as Thor handed out the cards and explained the rules. As they began, Loki hated it… hated to admit that it was pretty fun getting the better of the others. Soon Thor relaxed too and laughed as the others shouted in frustration as Loki revealed his hand, proclaiming his first win.

Then suddenly Hogun had the upper hand and he let out a shout pointing at Loki in triumph. That only made Loki chuckle, genuinely amused and promising payback.

Eventually, his previous sour mood was nearly forgotten as the refreshments vanished and the game continued. Loki was declared the undisputed master of the game, having won eight out of ten games. Of the other wins, one fell to Hogun and the other to Fandral.

"Did you just let me win?" Fandral asked in a teasing voice.

"I did not," Loki snorted. "I was dealt a bad hand."

"Right," Sif rolled her eyes.

"Loki, it just occurred to me… You changed back on your own," Fandral commented. "Can you change into Jotunn form again on command?"

Loki froze then turned to him. "Why… why would I do that?"

"Think of how useful it could be," Fandral said. "If we were to venture into Jotunhiem, you could sneak behind enemy lines, scout the area with no fear of being shot down. And when the summer days are truly hot, you can cool down the room."

Loki blinked at the utter absurdity of that last use of his Jotunn powers.

"I hear Jotunns see better in the dark," Hogun put in. "Is this true?"

"I…" Loki paused. "I'm not certain. I didn't take notice of my eyesight when I was..." He swallowed. "Now that I think about it though… I could always see where I was going so… perhaps?"

"It was impressive ice magic, even when you were panicking," Volstagg had to admit. "I can only imagine what you would be capable of if you were to truly train it."

Loki looked at his hands, then glanced up only to discover pure intrigue in the others' eyes, as if they had been gifted some magical relic. He shifted quietly.

"It's almost disappointing," Fandral sighed, picking up his playing cards. "You are told Jotunns are these big, dangerous, frightful beasts, and then it is just Loki."

Loki knew he probably should have been insulted by that, yet Fandral made it sound so normal. Just plain old Loki. The thought somehow put him at ease.

"I hope you are all aware that none can know this secret," Thor stated seriously. "I do not know for what reasons our parents have kept silent, but…"

The rest nodded in understanding.

"It would not be safe for Loki if people found out," Sif said. "Just look at how the entire palace reacted because they thought a Jotunn had gained access. They were ready to march war if Loki had not stopped them."

"Wait… that might be it," Loki gasped.

"What?" Sif turned to him.

"The All Father," Loki swallowed. "What… what if I am simply a tool to win the war with Jotunheim? What if he is raising a Jotunn as his perfect weapon?" He clutched his head. "Am I a war relic… a secret trump card to sneak behind enemy lines?" He had started to babble, almost hyperventilating.

There was stunned silence. Loki closed his eyes.

"Am I to be groomed and made ready for that one goal? To get the better of Jotunheim? Raised as an Aesir prince so that… so that what?" Loki cried. "Bu-but I am not allowed to know, because… Perhaps they need to know that I will be loyal. I know secrets, and Odin is afraid that if I found out I would turn from him and deliver Asgard's secrets to Jotunheim!" He trembled, grasping at his hair.

"Loki!" Thor shouted as he grabbed Loki's shoulder. Wide eyed, Loki looked up. "That cannot possibly be true!"

"Then what other explanation is there?" Loki asked, swallowing convulsively. "Other than a tool, a weapon, a secret?"

"I do not know," Thor admitted, "but you are not a mere tool. You are my _brother_."

Loki sucked in a breath. Then slowly, he exhaled and took another deep breath. "Yes… Indeed, we do not know why." He held his forehead. "I'm sorry." He swallowed, still a bit in shock. "A-and not just for right now. I know I haven't…" He halted. "Thank you for putting up with me."

"Well, this was not the first time and probably won't be the last," Fandral smirked.

"Yes," Sif sighed deeply. "It's the lot we have been dealt in life. I suppose we must bear it."

Loki lifted an eyebrow, but then Sif smiled, and Loki chuckled, amused. The casual banter actually made him feel part of the group, not just the usual tag along. Sure, they were still Thor's friends before his, but he was a part of it. It was nice. Even if it did take a horrifying revelation like this to make it happen.


	10. Mother's story

In the days that followed, Loki’s mood became more stable. He was still moody, but it was not quite as noticeable. Mostly, he was just quiet. Quiet in a way which wasn’t normal for him, where he would look slightly nervous and often seclude himself. But he was being reasonable, and it was clear that he was trying. This was not lost on Thor, Sif or the warriors three. They met him with kind smiles, which sometimes frustrated Loki. Other times, it made him turn his head away in quiet embarrassment.

Eventually, Loki entered the great library. He swallowed as he followed the bookshelves, looking over the spines of the books. Then he finally found it.

 _The History of the Culture of Jotunheim_.

Loki looked at the book, feeling a bit anxious. He glanced over his shoulder as if afraid that someone was watching him. There was no one in his line of sight. Then, finally, in a nervous gesture, Loki reached out and pulled out the heavy volume. He hid it under his cape as he frantically looked around, making sure no one had seen him take it.

Just then, a familiar figure came running in. “Loki!” Thor shouted, wildly looking around. “Ah, there you are!” he exclaimed as his eyes landed on Loki.

Loki blinked. “What is going on?”

“Mother has come home,” Thor informed him. “She’s desperately looking for you.”

“What?” Loki asked. “But she and Father were supposed to be gone for another month.”

“Indeed, which is why we should go meet her.” Thor grabbed Loki’s hand only to cause Loki to drop the book.

“Oh, sorry. Let me get that,” Thor offered.

“Thor no!” Loki shouted. It was too late though. Thor had picked up the book and looked at the title. Loki swallowed, his cheeks flushing deep red. Then Thor looked up and their eyes met.

“Might I borrow this when you are done?” Thor asked.

“Huh?” Loki blinked. “Why would you wish to?”

Thor’s eyes on Loki were incredibly earnest, and slowly Loki offered him a nod.

“Of course,” he said as Thor handed him back the book. “After all, library books don’t belong to me.” That made Thor chuckle as they started walking.

“I think Mother is by the training grounds. She thought you might be there,” Thor said, and Loki nodded as they made their way there.

Suddenly Loki froze, clutching the book to his chest. Frigga had cut short a political stay. Word had probably reached her…

His thoughts were interrupted by a shout:

“Loki!”

Loki looked up to see the familiar figure of a beautiful woman dressed in light blue silk. She rushed to him at an incredible speed before embracing him tightly. “Thank the Norns!” she cried.

Loki blinked. “M-Mother?” he asked, quite surprised by her outburst. It was rare to see Frigga so emotional.

“I’m sorry. Forgive me,” Frigga sniffed as she sat back and held Loki’s face. “When I heard, I feared that…” She shook her head. “It matters not.” With that, she embraced him again.

Loki stood still. His body was completely frozen in Frigga’s arms. He didn’t even move to return her embrace. “Feared that?” Loki asked, his voice suddenly cold. “Feared _what_?”

Frigga blinked, so did Thor. It was unlike Loki to ever speak to their mother that way. Frigga seemed astounded too as she sat back and met Loki’s cold glare.

“Feared that I had used the spell you told me not to?” Loki asked, a low threat in his voice. “Feared that it would reveal my true origins and send half the palace running trying to kill me!” he roared, tossing the book at the wall.

Frigga gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Or is it simply that I’ve discovered the truth?” Loki seethed. “Loki the Jotunn runt!”

“Loki… my darling, please,” Frigga swallowed.

Thor also fumed. “I did not know…” he said, his body shaking with energy. “I raised my hammer at my brother!” he shouted. “I could have killed him! I do not even want to think of it… what he must have gone through, running the hallways panicking so much he couldn’t control his own magic! How could you do that to him?”

Wide eyed, Frigga looked at them, and her sons returned her stare. Thor had never raised his voice to his mother before. Loki had never addressed her in such a cold tone. A line had been crossed, and there was no going back. Frigga’s eyes were filled with tears. Then she swallowed, falling to her knees.

“I deserve nothing less than your ire,” she said sadly. “I have failed you… both my sons. I have failed as your mother…. I’m sorry.”

Loki crossed his arms as he looked at her. “If you truly mean that, you will tell me everything. Now,” he demanded. “Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here?”

“You are my son,” Frigga informed him as she looked up, her blue eyes, so like Thor’s, glistening behind the tears. “Where else should my son be besides our home?”

Loki took in a sharp breath. “You know what I mean,” he said. “You will tell us everything.”

Frigga nodded. “Come, let us go to my chambers. This is no time to talk in an open hallway.”

Loki nodded as he turned, starting in the direction of Frigga’s chambers without even waiting for her. Thor just managed to run over and pick up the book Loki had thrown into the wall before running after them. He too ignored Frigga as he fell into stride beside Loki.

Finally, they were inside Frigga’s chambers. Loki and Thor had created a united front, sitting right next to each other on a couch, both with crossed arms and severe facial expressions. Frigga looked hopelessly at them.

“Well,” Loki said, “you may begin.” It was the first time he had demanded anything from one of his parents.

“Loki…” Frigga tried. Then she halted. “Very well… It was Odin who found you. In the final battle of Jotunheim before the peace treaty was signed. Your father—”

Loki scoffed at that.

“Odin, your father,” Frigga continued, “had fought a long and hard battle… wiped out most of the Jotunn army, forcing them to sign a peace treaty. He was on his way home from this battle when he decided to visit a Jotunn alter. He went there to pray for the lives which had been lost on either side of the battle, praying for their safe journey to Valhalla. What Odin did not expect though, was to find a small baby left alone on the cold alter. At most only a day old, and it looked as though he had yet to eat his first meal.”

Loki sucked in a breath and Thor was silent.

“You are correct. This child was you, Loki,” Frigga nodded. “The child was… so small and so weak, but he was fighting for survival. Odin brought him here, and the second I laid eyes on you I knew. The child I took in my arms was mine. My son. My Loki.” She smiled as she seemed to hold an invisible baby. “He needed my help… so tiny, much smaller than Thor had been when he was first born. I knew then that I would do anything for this child… for he was mine every bit as much as Thor was.”

At that, Loki finally softened. Thor did as well. Frigga’s words were without a doubt sincere.

“However, things were not so simple,” Frigga shook her head. “So many Aesir men and women had died in the battle against Jotunheim, and those left behind blamed the Jotunns. They were hungry for blood, for revenge. I could not let them touch you. I would not.” She moved closer to Loki then reached up her hand and touched his face.

“Those awful stories were being spread around. People wished for a reason… a reason why their friends and family had to die. It is easier to simply call the enemies monsters. Odin tried to quell their anger, informing them that we were entering a new era of peace. They were not happy about this. They reminded Odin of his war-filled past and claimed that was what he should find pride in. They made all those songs without his consent and sung his praises. Odin’s words of peace fell upon deaf ears, and to this day that remains unchanged. The people desire their brave king to stand strong and proud as a warrior. It matters not that this is no longer Odin’s desire. They will not hear of it. Odin then, and also now, was tired of war, tired of so much needless bloodshed. For once in his life, he wanted something different, a path to peace. And he thought you might be a sign.”

“So… I am his tool in his path to redemption?” Loki asked.

“No Loki, you are his hope for a better future. A future he was incapable of creating himself. His past, his reputation has too much blood in it. As long as he is on the throne, there will be no peace. He knows this, and it saddens him immensely, but perhaps the two of you can bring about that future. That is his hope.” Frigga informed them

Loki looked up with wide eyes and swallowed. Thor was quiet as well. Then Loki stood up. He ran to Frigga who greeted him with open arms, guiding him to lay his head in her lap where he clung to her, crying into her skirts.

“I hate you!” Loki exclaimed.

“I know, dear heart. It is your right to do so.” Gently, Frigga slipped her hand through Loki’s hair. Then she looked up at Thor. “Do you hate me as well, Thor?”

“No… but I am still angry!” Thor informed her.

Frigga smiled. “This I deserve.” She turned back to Loki. “Dearest, if there is something that I can do… I realize there is nothing that can truly be done to remedy the pain I have brought you. However, I wish to try.”

“Just… be honest with me from now on,” Loki asked solemnly. “I cannot trust you anymore. It is this which hurts more than anything else.”

Frigga nodded, her eyes full of pain.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Loki asked.

At that, Frigga turned her head away.

“Mother!” Loki shouted.

Frigga closed her eyes. “It was… only a few weeks after Odin found you that we discovered… who it was that left you on that alter… Your father by blood.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”

Frigga swallowed. “A battle was about to be fought, a battle that would determine the victor of the war. Laufey, the king of Jotunheim decided to gift his own gods with an offering, the greatest offering you can give to ensure victory in battle…”

Loki’s eyes widened. “What?”

Frigga looked sadly at Loki. “His own blood.”

There was an utter and stunned silence. It felt like the room had frozen over. Wide eyed, both princes looked at Frigga as she closed her eyes and turned away.

“What?” It was barely a whisper as Loki spoke. Tried to comprehend, to make sense of it. “Laufey? The king of Jotunheim is…” Loki tried to wrap his head around it. “He… he turned me into an offering to win a war? And still he failed to win?”

“Loki,” Thor breathed.

“I was… left there by my father by blood?” Loki continued, his eyes wet. “As an offering to his gods… Left to die?”

“But fate had much grander things in store for you. Don’t you see?” Frigga asked gently, touching Loki’s face. “Fate did not desire for you to die that day. Fate brought you to me, your mother, perhaps not in blood but in heart. For I love you, my sweet son.”

Loki swallowed. Then he stepped back. “This… I… I just cannot…” he gasped. “I… I do not know anymore.” His entire body shook. Then he grabbed a vase and roared as he smashed it into the wall.

Frigga did not move. She didn’t get the least bit angry at Loki’s outburst. Thor started to move to calm him down, but Frigga held up a hand, stopping him, shaking her head as Loki kicked away a chair, swearing in a colorful stream of language not suited to a prince. His rage was clearly real, burning from within as he screamed and kicked with no thought for what he might break. Suddenly, Thor realized what he himself must look like when he had one of his famous anger fits. It was not a pleasant thought. And Loki’s rage was without a doubt far more justified than any of Thor’s own temper tantrums. He could feel his own cheeks flushing deep red in embarrassment over this revelation.

Finally, Loki seemed to run out of energy. The frustration was still there, but he had no strength to carry on destroying Frigga’s chambers and as such fell to his knees, crying and sobbing in frustration. That is when Frigga swooped in and embraced Loki, holding him tight to her body as tears fell down his cheeks.

“What can I do for you Loki?” Frigga asked sincerely, stroking his dark hair.

“I wish I could disappear,” Loki informed her in a broken voice. “Disappear and forget all of this… At least, I wish to be alone. And yet, I have a feeling that is the one thing you two will not allow at this moment.” This was said with resignation as he swallowed, closing his eyes.

“You are correct,” Frigga said. “However, you may lay down. Thor and I shall not speak until you speak to us first. Rest,” she instructed as she gently pulled Loki up and directed him to the couch where he lay down. Then she knelt, gently stroking his hair. “Oh, my dear child, how much suffering I have brought you,” she breathed. “Forgive me.”

Loki looked at her. “It hurts,” he informed her. “In here.” He held his hands over his chest.

Frigga bent and kissed Loki’s hands where they were holding his chest. Then she moved up and kissed his forehead. “I shall fetch some lavender tea,” she whispered. “Thor.”

“I shall stay,” Thor nodded, and Frigga smiled then walked to Thor and kissed him on the forehead. “Thank you, my beloved son. Now, allow Loki some peace and quiet.”

Thor nodded, and Frigga gave him a nod in return as she headed outside. The moment the door was closed, Thor turned to Loki. “Loki?” he asked.

“Didn’t you promise Mother to be quiet?” Loki asked as he turned so that his back was to Thor.

“I’m sorry,” Thor looked down, and Loki sighed.

“It’s alright… I am just so tired right now,” Loki admitted. “You are the only family member I can truly trust with all that we have learned today.”

“Loki…” Thor hopelessly tried but then stopped. Loki was not in a talking mood.

Thor watched Loki for a bit. Then he settled in a chair and picked up the book they had brought all the way from the library. The book on Jotunheim. Without saying a word, he opened it up and started to read.


	11. Professor Thor

For the first hour, Loki was granted the quiet that had been promised him. The only real sound coming from Thor was when he turned a page. Frigga had poured tea for all of them and then had brought out some embroidery she was working on. Eventually, she took Thor to the other end of the room and quietly asked about the course of events. Thor replied as gently and quietly as he could.

Loki listened intensely. He heard the entire story over again, how Thor and his friends had returned from the hunt to see guards running across the palace, how he had been informed that a Jotunn had been found in Loki's chambers and Loki had gone missing. At this, Thor's voice started to shake and continued shaking as he told how they had spent the entire night hunting Loki across the palace before finally, by the break of dawn, they figured out the truth.

By this time, Thor was openly sobbing. Frigga gently slipped a hand through his hair as he struggled to get the rest out. He explained how he and his friends had managed to hide Loki for the rest of the day and finally Loki had calmed down enough to be able to handle his magic again and turn back. Thor's voice was less shaky, but he was still sniffing as he repeated the story Loki had told the guards and how he had handled it.

"Tha-thank the Norns Loki was with us," Thor said in a broken voice. "He's… he's the only one smart enough to handle that sort of situation." He sniffed again.

Loki blushed deeply as he laid on his side with his back to the two others, trying to pretend he hadn't listened to every single word of it.

"I must give my personal thanks to your friends," Frigga breathed. "It sounds as though they came through as true friends to both you and Loki."

"Uh-huh," Thor nodded.

Loki was quiet. As Frigga and Thor returned to their spots, he had closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. A bit more time went by. As Thor went back to his book and Frigga her own project, Loki really did start to drift off. That's when a slight knock sounded.

"Come in but quietly please," Frigga responded

The door opened and revealed Sif and behind her the warriors three.

"I am… terribly sorry to disturb you, my queen," Sif spoke quietly. "We were just wondering if Loki and Thor-" she halted at the sight of them, and the others did too.

Loki dismissed any pretense of sleeping, then slowly sat up and looked at them. Their visitors quieted.

"We talked to Mother," Loki said in a low voice. "It is true… It is all true. I'm… Jotunn." At that, his voice broke.

Sif swallowed. The others exchanged a glance.

"My queen, may we enter?" Sif asked, and Frigga nodded, allowing the four of them to come in.

It was awkward. Nobody seemed to know what they were going to say. They had already known for a while, though this confirmation felt like the final nail in the coffin. Loki grabbed his head and swallowed thickly.

"I… erhm," Sif tried. "Jotunn? That is…" She was clearly looking for a positive spin on this but failed utterly at it.

"Well, he is not much like a Jotunn," Fandral commented. "He's small to begin with and very clean. And he is so articulate. That is not like Jotunns at all. They do not excel at poetry like Loki does."

"Actually, that's not true," Thor held up a finger. "It has been known for Jotunn poets to disappear to the mountains and remain in solitude for an entire year, writing whole books of poetry, which are distinct in the way the entire book contains a red thread, almost like a story! They have been praised for the nuances they have managed to bring to these books and details which only seem to be possible because they allowed themselves the solitude to fully immerse themselves in their work. Light Elves still praise a few Jotunn works as being the only poems able to be so long but still so nuanced and interesting that they are worth their time."

There was silence, utter and complete silence. Everyone present stared at Thor.

"At least," Thor cleared his throat, "that is what I read."

Then suddenly Loki could not stop himself. "Pffff." He couldn't help it. He burst into a fit of laughter. "Hahahaha… HAHAHAHAHA!"

Confused, Thor looked at him. So did the others.

"You know… this almost makes it all worth it! HAHAHAHAHA!" Loki cried from laughter. "You should have seen your faces! Oh, thank you, Thor! THANK YOU!" he laughed as tears fell down his face.

Thor was still confused but laughter always had a peculiar effect, so he smiled too as he chuckled. "You're welcome, Brother," he said, while still having no idea what he had done. But it had to be a good thing, right? Loki was doing better.

"So, how else can you enlighten us, Professor Thor?" Loki asked, wiping the tears from his face. "What, pray tell, is the Jotunn eating etiquette?"

"Well, in Jotunheim food is scarce, so a well-prepared meal is to be appreciated," Thor informed them in a lecturing voice. "It is considered rude to talk during such a meal. You are to truly enjoy the thing which is rare. So… just stuffing your face… I think that's pretty rude too," he commented thoughtfully, a big frown appearing on his face as it looked like his head was about to explode from all the thinking.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Loki fell down on the floor. "Oh, by the Norns! Have you just learned more about Jotunn culture in a couple of hours than the last nine hundred years?" he shouted.

Thor looked a bit sheepish at that. "That… I mean… Yes."

"Odin's beard! The Thunder God is learning the wonder of books!" Loki exclaimed. "The world must be coming to an end! Beware! Ragnarok is upon us!"

"I can read a book," Thor huffed, his face growing redder by the second.

"There is a difference between reading a book and truly _reading_ a book," Loki pointed out. "Absorbing the pages, imprinting the information upon your mind, not merely skipping through but actually lingering… How was it for you? It was your first, wasn't it?" he asked innocently.

"Loki!" Thor exclaimed, his entire face deep red. Then he halted. "It was not that bad," he admitted.

Frigga, however, was beaming like her own sun. Tears were in her eyes again, but they seemed to be from happiness and relief. And now the warriors three and Sif couldn't help but laugh at it too. It was just too ridiculous. Professor Thor. Who would have thought they would ever see the day?

Suddenly, it all evolved into a minor brawl with all six of them playfully bantering and nudging each other. Then they burst into laughter. Frigga left them to their own devices. She was much too relieved that it seemed like things were going to work out fine. At least for now.


	12. On the mountain top

When evening arrived, it was clear that Frigga wasn't happy about letting Loki go, but even she in her fiercely protective love could see there was no reason to keep him from sleeping in his own bed. That didn't stop Frigga from insisting that they eat breakfast together the next morning and spend the day looking at some spells.

His mother was being overbearing, and Loki was rather annoyed about it. Still, it was better to have him annoyed than despairing; however, as the pattern went on for a few days and Loki only grew sullener, it started to become a bit frustrating. The way he would just snap and sneer at everyone, Thor included. Thor understood, but that didn't make it any less annoying.

Then finally, Loki declared, "Mother, I wish to go on a trip to the mountains."

Frigga blinked. "Well, I suppose some fresh air will do us good."

"Alone," Loki said shortly.

There was stunned silence as Frigga looked at Loki, and Thor's eyes darted from one to the other.

"Loki," Frigga sighed. "Perhaps now is not the time."

"Mother, if I may?" Thor spoke up quietly.

"Yes, my son?" Frigga asked in a kind voice.

Thor cleared his throat. "Drinking all night and staying in the company of friends, perhaps even going on a hunt, that is how Aesir deal with distress or even grief," he stated. "That is what _Aesir_ need in these situations."

Loki remained quiet. He really had to hand it to Thor. The Thunder God had indeed become a sudden expert on all things Jotunheim. It was extremely surprising, but Loki could not help but be grateful. There were many people Thor would go slay a beast for. Hel, he hardly needed a reason to go slay a beast, but Loki was the only one he would study for. It was nice. This proved more than anything how dedicated Thor was.

Loki had imagined he would be angry at Thor for hinting at his Jotunn heritage. For bringing up the fact that Jotunns were creatures of solitude and not loud parties, but it was nice that Thor considered it without judgement. It was just plain fact. This made things much easier.

Frigga was quiet for a while then nodded. "I see. You are correct," she said. "Forgive me. I was just worried. Perhaps it would be best if you wait until Odin returns. He desires to come home as soon as possible. He is also very worried about you."

"Actually, I would like this time before Odin returns home," Loki informed her. "Mother, I shall be going, whether I have your permission or not."

Frigga smiled. "Indeed, only you can sneak out right under my nose. Very well then." She nodded. "At least allow me to pack you some food and necessities. And please, allow us to see you off at the stables."

Loki smirked. "You worry too much, Mother. I shall not be gone long, and I won't be doing myself any harm."

"Is there not someone you could take with you?" Frigga asked.

Loki shook his head. "I wish to be alone."

Frigga nodded. "Very well."

* * *

And so, Loki's favorite horse was saddled for him, a young and slender mare, built for speed rather than strength. Her fur was deep black, her mane and tail white, and she had white socks as well. Her nature was gentle as long as her rider was reasonable, but she was not above kicking those who would slap her rear unprovoked. Her name was Brunir. A good horse would be good company on the trip.

Finally, Loki bid a polite farewell to Thor and Frigga and gently road off. He didn't need to turn his head to know that both Thor and Frigga stood there until he was finally out of their line of sight. It was a bit silly. He was serious. He just wanted to be alone for a couple of days. There was nothing more to it.

Loki headed for the mountains and rode the first part on Brunir, but then jumped off the horse to relieve her from his weight as they climbed upwards. By sunset, they were half way up the mountain, at a point where there was a beautiful view of the entire city. Loki took in a deep breath. There were no people up here, no sounds other than nature. It felt nice.

Humming slightly to himself, Loki built a fire to cook a bit of dinner. He fed Brunir her food, and as his own was done, he laid down looking at the stars while he nibbled on a skewer of meat, feeling peace entering his soul. Yet he still felt the hurt inside. It felt like a part of him had been torn apart. He blinked away the tears, but he didn't break down crying.

He thought about what had happened, what Frigga had told him. As he recalled how Thor had reacted, he smiled lightly. Thor's famous stubbornness had really come through this time. Who would have thought that Thor of all people would dare consider that Jotunns had something to offer in terms of culture? Honestly, it was incredible what Thor could do with the right motivation.

That night, Loki slept a dreamless sleep. It was peaceful.

The next morning, he packed his things and continued further up the mountain, finally reaching a place where light snow was falling, covering the ground. This is where he decided to have his more permanent camp for a few days.

In the days that followed, Loki was sometimes wandering, other times just sitting. He barely even noticed the time pass him by as his thoughts wandered and allowed him to put the pieces into place, to make sense of it all.

A few days had gone by. As Loki was sitting on the mountain side, looking across the beautiful landscape of Asgard, the city and the palace in front of him, the fields spreading as far as the eye could see, the trees and rivers, heavy footfalls sounded behind him. Loki didn't even have to turn to know who it was. He would know those footsteps anywhere. So, Odin had made his own way all the way up here just to find him.

"It is truly beautiful from up here," Odin's voice commented. "I should journey here more often, take in these things. Then, I suppose, it is so easy to take for granted what you see every day."

Loki didn't reply. He just sat with his back to Odin, his gaze fixated on the landscape.

Slowly, Odin moved closer. Then he sat down beside Loki so both their legs were hanging over the edge and out into the free air.

"How fare you, my son?" Odin asked.

Loki sighed deeply. "Better than I was."

"This is good," Odin nodded. "I'm glad."

There was a beat of silence. Loki hadn't turned to look at Odin but could feel his one blue eye on him. "So, you found me on a frozen alter?" he asked, leaning back. "And your heart bled, I presume?"

"How could it not?" Odin asked. "You were alone, no one to look after you or take care of you."

"Was it pity then?" Loki asked.

"Yearning," Odin corrected. "So many had died that day… so very many. And a good portion by my own hand. No more." He shook his head. "No more death." He sounded tired at that, old and tired.

Loki turned his head, finally looking at Odin. "You did not have to make me your son though."

Odin shook his head. "That is not how it works. From the moment I picked you up you were my responsibility. If I did not want such a responsibility, I should not have taken you."

Loki frowned, clearly not happy.

"I cannot forget though… never," Odin breathed. "I picked you up and held you in my arms. You reached up and then… of all things you grabbed my beard. It stung, but… it also made me realize that I did not want to let you go. I could not."

Loki shook his head. "Mother said something similar, filled with sentiment, both of you."

"Aye, every parent is when it comes to their children," Odin commented.

Loki couldn't resist the twitch of his lips. Then his smile faltered, and he leaned back, looking at the landscape. "And what is to come now?" he asked. "We discovered the truth. I am the Jotunn in Aesir disguise. What…" He halted. "What is going to happen to me?"

"What do you wish to happen?" Odin asked.

"I don't know," Loki turned to Odin. "I know not my purpose, who I am… what I am!" he exclaimed. "What would you have me do with any of this?"

"I am not certain," Odin admitted. "In my view, you are a unique individual in a unique position, and thus your potential is limitless." Loki frowned slightly, and Odin shook his head. "Thor's path is locked. There is only one way for him to go. You though… you can do so much more, if you desire it."

"What do you wish me to do?" Loki asked. "Whatever you wish, Father, I'll do it. I desire to please you. I want to do it! I can do it!"

Now Odin's eye held a pained expression. "Loki… your aim should not be to please me. It should never be that," he said. "It is true, I have hopes. The youths always speak so highly of war, yet they do not understand its terror. If there is any way to secure peace, I wish to find that way," he admitted. "Jotunns and Aesirs can live peacefully side by side. You are proof of that. There is hope… This is what I choose to believe."

"Father, if that was your desire, you should not have kept my origins from me," Loki said. "Both Thor and I were led to believe that when you spoke of peace you only did so because it was your duty as king, not because you wished it. Everyone else always sung of the glory of battle, the glory of your conquests. It was easy to be swept up in it all. When Thor spoke of killing them all, he did so to impress you. He didn't understand. Neither of us did. We acted out of a desire for the respect of our people. You should have spoken of this long ago!"

Odin nodded. "Yes," he affirmed. "Forgive me, Loki, for I have made you suffer a great injustice."

"You have," Loki replied, turning back to the view. He frowned slightly. "You are serious about this pursuit of peace?" he asked.

Odin nodded, looking tired. "Aye… Sometimes I start to lose hope," he admitted. "All the young warriors so wish to prove their worth in combat. They glorify what is, in truth, dark and horrible. So many times, I have nearly lost hope, but then… I gazed upon you." He smiled lightly. "Hope."

Loki looked up at Odin stunned, but then he turned back, pouting as he crossed his arms.

Odin smiled, a bit amused, then nodded, his face more serious. "Loki, I heard of how you conducted yourself since your discovery, and may I say I am so very proud. You have handled yourself far better than most would."

Loki didn't reply, but his eyes grew a bit misty. Then he felt Odin's hand on his shoulder.

"I love you, my son," Odin stated. Slowly, he let go and stood up. "When you are ready, we shall talk more over a feast. Do not be long. Your mother is very anxious," He informed him as he walked towards his own horse, and Loki turned his head.

"We could… travel together down the mountain," Loki suggested.

Odin turned. "Oh?"

Loki shrugged. "I believe I am done here," he said as he stood up, looking around. "I need only to pack my supplies."

Odin smiled. "I would be delighted to have your company on my way home," he stated. "Thank you, Loki."

"You look weary. It would be a shame if you fell into the Odin-sleep or some such moronic thing halfway down the mountain with no one around," Loki commented as he picked up his cooking utensils. Odin chuckled.

"I am truly touched by your concern," Odin replied, amused.

"Oh, and if you should ever adopt again, tell them the truth!" Loki exclaimed. "One thing I have realized these past few days… it is a deep relief to know I am Jotunn. I kept asking myself why I was so different. What was wrong with me? Over and over, I have asked why. And now it is obvious." He spread out his arms. "Nothing is wrong with me. I am just Jotunn. Finally, I have an answer. It is a relief not having to ask that anymore. Are you aware of this?"

Odin looked at Loki with sorrowful eyes. Loki, though, just gave him a look as he crossed his arms.

"A hundred years more and I might have gone insane," Loki proclaimed.

"I can only give you my sincere apology and beg your forgiveness," Odin bowed his head.

"I suppose your apology is accepted, but I have not forgiven you entirely yet," Loki informed him promptly as he packed. "That will take more time, for both you and Mother. I believed I could trust you, and that trust has been broken. Forgiveness can only come the day I am able to trust my own parents again," he stated, putting the items in Brunir's saddle bag.

"Your demand is reasonable. Thank you. For giving us another chance." Odin bowed his head.

"Well, you did raise me with love. That cannot be denied," Loki commented as he pulled himself up on his horse. "But that does not mean I can guarantee yet another chance."

"Understood," Odin nodded as he approached his own horse and pulled himself as well.

"Let us go then." Loki kicked Brunir, and they were off on their way back down from the mountain.


	13. Asking the hard question

Together Odin and Loki made their way down the mountain. They did not stop for the night, which meant they were riding through the dark under the open stars. There was something very nice about the quiet company as they rode down the mountain trail, a quiet reassurance. As the first rays of sun rose over Asgard, they reached the stables. No sooner had Loki gotten off his horse than Frigga rushed to him, completely ignoring Odin but embracing Loki tightly.

"Mother," Loki shook his head, "it was only a few days."

"A few days where you were alone with no one to look out for you," Frigga corrected him.

Defeated, Loki shook his head but patted Frigga on the back. "Mother, if you truly accept me as I am, you must also accept that I am in need of such solitude from time to time."

"Of course, I accept that, dear heart," Frigga assured him as she stood back. "However, that doesn't mean I cannot worry."

"Is Thor awake?" Odin asked as he too dismounted. "I believe this is a fine time for the four of us to have breakfast together."

"I thought the same," Frigga said. "I took the liberty to have it arranged in my chambers."

"As always, you are three steps ahead of me, my dearest wife," Odin smiled warmly.

It was a calm and quiet breakfast. Well, as calm as it could be with Thor there, loudly filling Loki in on what he had missed. Fandral had gotten into some sort of brawl and earned a black eye for his trouble. Thor was behind in his studies, and his teachers had become cross, so he wasn't allowed on the training grounds before he was caught up again. One of Sif's admirers had finally showed courage enough to ask her out, and she had plainly turned him down, breaking his heart. Not one word was said of Loki's Jotunn origin or even Jotunheim. It was all so incredibly normal and mundane. It was nice.

After that, things somehow continued as they normally would. Loki was also behind in his studies and also got a scolding from his tutor. It didn't really bother him though. He knew he was in the right. Thor was soon allowed on the training grounds again and would practice fighting against the warriors three.

There was something a bit different about hanging out with them now, Loki couldn't help but notice. It was odd. They were still the same people, still loud and obnoxious, and yet there seemed to be a strange bond that hadn't been there before, and also a quiet acceptance. They would no longer pressure Loki into doing things, nor would they make those small condescending allusions like before, which had driven Loki crazy.

When he walked away to be alone, they didn't chastise him for it. Instead someone would say that they hoped he would join them the next time. Oddly enough, this actually made Loki join them more frequently than he had before. He didn't mind anymore. In fact, he started to look forward to it.

Then one day Tyr the God of Strength, who was also Sif's father, asked for an audience with the king. This happened frequently. Tyr would ask for his audience, during which he would always ask the same thing, permission to attack Jotunheim. Either he thought they had acted suspiciously or he suspected them of gathering power. Odin always looked very tired when he knew he was about to have this argument. Still, Tyr was one of their greatest heroes. Even though he had lost his right arm in battle, he was just as deadly wielding his sword with his remaining left arm.

He had a grudge against Jotunheim, since three of his five children had died in the old war, including his oldest son who had been a proud warrior, from what Loki had been told at least. This was before he had been born. Sif was Tyr's youngest child and had been born during the war itself. She was between Thor and Loki's age.

As Odin readied himself for the audience, suddenly his youngest son approached him with an odd request.

"Father… may I observe Tyr's audience?" Loki asked.

Odin turned to him. "Why would you desire this?" he asked. "You have already heard Tyr's reasons a hundred times over when he is drunk at a feast."

"The drunken ramblings of a warrior are hardly what I wish to hear," Loki replied. "I would prefer to hear his sober words which I imagine he has gone over many times. I would like to hear his reasoning from his own mouth, while he is of a clear mind. Why he finds it so necessary to launch an attack against Jotunheim… He has asked for the last seven hundred years. There must be something worth hearing."

Odin nodded. "Come then, stand by my side. However, you know of court etiquette."

Loki nodded. "Do not speak if not spoken to. Do not insult unless you desire to start conflict," he stated. "I am aware, Father."

Satisfied, Odin nodded and gestured for Loki to follow him into the throne room. There Odin sat on his throne, Gungnir in hand and Loki by his side. Soon the door opened, and in stepped the proud Tyr with Sif behind him. Both walked in and knelt.

"My king," he addressed Odin then glanced up, his eyes resting on Loki. "My… prince." This was not quite as respectful. He seemed a bit confused about what a mere boy could be doing standing beside the throne.

"Rise, Tyr and our gracious maiden Sif," Odin commanded as he reached out a hand. "You have asked for an audience with your king. Speak what it is you desire."

"My king," Tyr said loudly as he stood, his good arm behind his back, the stump that was left of his right arm hanging down. "I have been informed that Jotunheim is rebuilding its fortress. They are readying for battle. We must strike so they do not become so confident as to attack."

Loki's eyebrow rose just slightly, and Odin looked tired.

"What they build, is there any proof it is for attack rather than defense?" Odin asked.

"If we allow them to build a defense strong enough, they will soon attack," Tyr insisted.

"And this defense, would it stand any chance against the Asgardian army?" Odin asked.

"At this time no, but that is why we should strike now before their power rises once more," Tyr stated.

Odin closed his one eye. He really didn't look like he was enjoying this. Loki glanced up at Odin then down on Tyr, who looked harsh and resolute.

"If I may, why are you so determined to attack Jotunheim?" Loki suddenly asked.

There was quiet. Odin turned to Loki, and so did the others.

Tyr huffed, "You are not old enough to understand."

"Silence," Odin held up a hand. "Loki is your prince, and one day he may be your king. Let him speak, and answer his questions as seriously as you would answer my own."

Tyr looked up then bowed. "My king." He turned to Loki. "Jotunns are ferocious beasts. Their one wish is to see Asgard gone. We cannot allow them to rebuild their defenses."

Loki mulled this over a bit. "So, you admit that Jotunheim is a shattered realm with barely any defenses at this time?" he asked.

Tyr blinked but then nodded solemnly.

"And you, the proud, strong warrior, decked out in the finest armor, wielding the greatest sword forged in the nine realms feel pride in stomping upon a defeated foe? The Jotunn laying by your feet, battered and broken with no armor nor weapon of his own. You stand before him and call yourself brave to chop off the head of your conquered enemy. This notion of Asgardian honor is truly impressive," he snorted.

Tyr's face flushed red. "My king, you would allow a boy who has yet to face any battle to speak such insults to an experienced warrior?" he asked. "I have earned my title! He has not, not yet."

"I shall allow it when his words ring true," Odin informed him. "Had he insulted you without cause, he would have been punished. However, he speaks the truth. You are the shining warrior having the best armor and weaponry at your disposal. The Jotunn before you is the defeated foe who has neither. It is not a fair battle, and thus there is no glory in it. Loki has looked at the situation and seen the truth then brought it to light. He has made me very proud in this instance."

That made Loki blink. Then he turned his head as he blushed a bit, smiling.

Tyr scoffed, clearly displeased.

"When I walk into battle, I desire to do it honorably!" Sif exclaimed. Then she stepped forward, making Loki look at her, and she stood right next to him with crossed arms. "I wish to defend Asgard. I wish to prove my worth. When the day comes, I wish for it to happen in the right way, with honor and glory."

Tyr gasped. "Daughter!" he exclaimed. He fumed. "The Jotunns will break the treaty. You know this!"

"Then let them break it!" Loki cried. "The day they do so, you shall be allowed to lead the troops in battle. However, by not even allowing them a chance, you have left them no choice, denying them an opportunity to prove themselves or their desire for peace."

"Do not speak in the place of our king!" Tyr shouted.

"No," Odin held up his hand. "Loki speaks for me. From now on, any involvement with Jotunheim is Loki's task. You shall listen to his words as if they were my own."

Loki's eyes widened. Even Sif looked shocked, and they turned to him.

"Th-those are king's duties," Loki stammered.

"Yes, and one day you might be king," Odin smiled lightly. "It is good preparation."

"But… Thor has no king's duties of such magnitude," Loki pointed out.

"I'm sure I can think of something. It is high time he learned responsibility as well," Odin replied.

"Ah," Loki said, though he still seemed slightly stunned as Odin stood up from his throne and gestured for Loki to sit.

"Father… I do not understand," Loki admitted.

"Any task concerning Jotunheim is now your domain," Odin informed him. "We are currently discussing Jotunheim. This is your task."

Loki's eyes widened, as did Tyr's. Then Loki swallowed. He was shaking slightly as he walked to the throne and slowly sat down, feeling very small in a seat way too big for him. Odin stood proudly next to him and so did Sif.

"Erhm, right." Loki looked up. "Tyr, God of Strength, you have come before me to request an attack on Jotunheim. As Jotunheim has made no move to attack us, and therefore has not broken the treaty they signed, our attack would mean we were the peace breakers. As long as this fact remains unchanged, you shall be denied. Also, please be warned, while you are indeed a hero and we shall continue to sing your praise, if you are caught stirring trouble with Jotunheim, that shall be considered treason against Asgard, against our king, the All Father, Odin, and against me, your prince, Loki. Furthermore, I do believe it would earn your daughter's wrath."

Sif smirked, amused.

"Walk in peace," Loki said. "I am sure that Asgard shall be in desperate need of your strength once more. Fortunately, today is not that day. Go." He waved a hand.

Tyr was clearly fuming but bowed for Loki. "My prince," he said. "My king." He turned to Odin then offered Sif one nod. "Daughter." Finally, he turned around and marched out.

Loki sighed deeply as he leaned back, only to feel a firm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Odin's smiling face, pride radiating from his features.

"Norns," Sif sighed. "I am _not_ looking forward to going home tonight."

"Then you need not go," Loki offered. "You are a proud warrior maiden of Asgard. There is always a place for you here."

Sif smiled. "That is a very kind offer. However, I should decline at this time. My running away will not quell my father's anger, and I do love him." She fiddled with her hair. "I used to be on his side in this argument. I… wanted nothing more than to go to Jotunheim and prove my worth."

"Oh? What changed your mind?" Loki asked, looking up.

"It no longer feels right," Sif admitted. "That is all I can tell you. It's the truth." She quieted for a moment. "I would not mind staying a few hours though."

"Would you join us for dinner?" Loki asked.

"It would be my honor, my prince," Sif bowed for him.

* * *

In the evening after dinner, Loki joined the others for a game of cards. This time, they settled in a circle outside. Odin stood in his chambers, looking out the window with a smile as his sons and their friends laughed.

"Husband," Frigga walked over to him and looked down with warm eyes.

"You should have seen him today, Frigga," Odin smiled. "Determined, yet fair. And Lady Sif as well." He sighed. "I was truly afraid that the hatred of the old generation would fester in the young."

"It is because they are young that they can still change," Frigga smiled lightly, leaning against Odin. "They are indeed the future. Our hope." She looked at them with loving eyes. "Odin… we were wrong to shield them. Shielding them for too long would only make our old ways fester within them. It is now they need to be taught, now when their minds are still young and open to new things."

"As always, you are wise, my queen," Odin nodded his agreement. "Loki did seem surprised that my talk of peace was sincere."

"But he now understands your feelings?" Frigga asked.

Odin nodded.

"So, what we need is to talk to them," Frigga breathed. "They are still children, but not for long. We must treat them as the adults we wish them to become."

"Aye," Odin agreed with a little sadness in his voice. "It does seem the right time for them to have a little responsibility each."

"The relationship with Jotunheim is a bit more than a little responsibility," Frigga chided.

"Of course, I shall be in the room with Loki whenever he is in an official capacity," Odin informed her. "For now, at least."

"And Thor?" Frigga asked.

"I thought that he could be given the responsibility of overseeing this year's harvest," Odin said.

"That will displease him," Frigga commented.

"Thor needs to learn that not all of a king's duties are the grand, glorious ones. Most are dull, as he would call them," Odin stated.

"Are you giving Thor the duties you yourself wish to avoid?" Frigga asked in a teasing tone.

"Perhaps," Odin shrugged, "but it is time he learn of such things."

Frigga nodded. "A wise choice, my husband." She remained at his side, just taking in the sight of her sons enjoying a nice afternoon with their friends.


	14. Jotunnheim

As the years went by, things settled into a new sort of normal. More responsibilities were piled on Loki and Thor, who were both eager to prove their worth. Though, as it turned out, being in charge of anything related to Jotunheim didn't mean much aside from telling people to leave the realm alone. Over and over… and over… and over.

Loki started to understand why Odin had been so quick to put the task upon his shoulders, just to get rid of it himself. Thor seemed to have similar complaints over his new duties. They were boring. A surprising amount of both princes' time was spent telling people no.

_No, we cannot do that. No, we can't just demand that the dwarves give us weapons free of charge. No, we cannot go kill_ _Jörmungandr_ _, even if it ate your horse. You likely shouldn't have been there in the first place. Just leave the serpent alone! Stop asking me about Jotunheim! We have no cause to attack!_

It was tiresome. Being forced to be the spoil-sport, telling everyone else no again and again made it obvious where Odin's grumpy attitude came from. Often Thor would be ready to just throw away all the papers in defeat. Unfortunately for Thor, Loki knew how to get under his skin with a well-aimed, "Well, I suppose you are not suited to be king then," and Thor would get right back on it just to prove him wrong. At that, Loki would simply smirk. It was all about motivation.

Both Thor and Loki had also continued to study about Jotunheim, often in secret, as if it were forbidden knowledge they were looking for. They would spend their evenings exchanging that knowledge. The more time they spent on it the more mundane it became, until one day, after a few years, there was nothing scary about it anymore. In time, they were more scared about the people of Asgard finding out what they were doing rather than scared of doing it. The fear of finding something horrible was practically gone. Sure, Jotunheim was far from a peaceful place or very nice according to the books, but it was no longer the big, unexplained mystery which had formed inside of Thor and Loki's heads.

There was still a curiosity inside of Loki, something which he could not control. As the years went by, the temptation only became greater until one day he gave in.

That is when Odin got the news.

"My king, I feel it is my duty to inform you that Loki has left Asgard," Heimdall announced.

Odin exhaled deeply. "He has gone to Jotunheim, hasn't he?"

Heimdall nodded. "I see him now, wandering the snow-covered hills of the realm, wearing the Jotunn skin which was his birthright. He does not appear to travel with a specific aim. He is merely walking. Shall I retrieve him?" he asked.

Odin shook his head. "No," he said. "It is only natural that Loki would not be able to stay away from the place of his birth. However, keep an eye on him, and if he is in trouble, bring him home please."

"Yes, my king." Heimdall knelt for him.

* * *

Indeed, in the realm of Jotunheim, a solitary figure walked across the snow, a black cape billowing in the winds behind him. He looked up, revealing a blue face with ruby red eyes that gazed around, taking in the snow and the movement of the wind. Rim frost had caught his long, black hair, and having a body temperature so low, the ice wasn't melting. It was sticking to him as an extra layer, making his hair look pure white. What a peculiar phenomenon. Not even the books had said anything about that.

For as far as Loki saw there was nothing. It was a wasteland. There was no civilization, no grass, no living beings… no birds nor deer. Just the snow and icy winds going on seemingly forever.

Then suddenly, a figure came into his line of sight from the opposite direction. Loki glanced up to see another Jotunn coming towards him. The Jotunn was walking in a slow and steady pace, one step in front of the other. As they neared each other, the other Jotunn proved to be much bigger than Loki, who only really came up to his navel. As he wandered, he didn't even look at Loki. He just continued right past him.

Loki blinked. Hadn't the Jotunn seen him? Or had he just not considered him worthy of notice? "Erhm, excuse me," Loki spoke quietly.

The other Jotunn stopped then slowly turned his head, looking down at Loki.

"Pardon the intrusion. Is there anything in the direction from which you came?" Loki asked. "Or are you perhaps heading somewhere of note?"

A slight frown appeared on the Jotunn's face. "I wander in solitude, and I am not yet finished. Where I go or where I have been, I do not know."

"Oh," Loki blinked. So, the Jotunn had just been walking without any rhyme or reason? For how long exactly? Days? Months? Years?

"We are quite far from civilization, I gather," Loki offered him a weak grin.

The Jotunn didn't reply, just looked at him with unimpressed eyes, and Loki's smile faltered. He was starting to become convinced that he was going about this the wrong way. Perhaps he shouldn't have addressed the other Jotunn at all. This was a Jotunn wandering in solitude, and Loki had just interrupted him.

"Something for something," the Jotunn then said.

Loki glanced up.

"The halls of Ymir are not far. I'd point you in the right direction… but on Jotunheim where all is scarce, nothing is free," the Jotunn informed him, reaching out a hand with the palm upwards.

"Oh!" Loki exclaimed as he fiddled with his money belt.

"I wander in solitude. I have no need for money," the Jotunn frowned.

Loki looked up. "Then what have you need of?"

"On Jotunheim, the most precious thing we have is food. Do you have any?" he asked.

Loki nodded as he put down his backpack. Inside, he found a few pieces of jerky. He handed them to the Jotunn, who wrapped his hand around them.

"Go north," he pointed to his left. "See that mountain. Keep it in your line of sight at all times. You will encounter a great fortress. Ymir always holds parties for travelers. Unlike me, he will take your money, but be careful. I do not know from which realm you came, but Jotunns are not fond of many… unless they bring gifts, that is."

Loki swallowed. "It's… that obvious?"

"You do not seem to know the simplest of rules," the Jotunn said. "To get something, you give something. You wished a word with me. You should have presented me with what you had to offer _before_ breaking my solitude. Breaking a Jotunn's solitude without permission is very rude indeed."

"Oh… I… I am terribly sorry," Loki breathed. "What could I have done though? Should I have waved the food around?" he asked, honestly confused.

"Holding it out to me would be enough. If I accepted the offer, I would take it and you could talk," the Jotun informed him.

"Oh… Erhm, how do I address those I meet at the gate?" Loki asked.

At that, the Jotunn laid out is hand again, and Loki put another piece of beef jerky on it.

"Show your coins, but not all of them," the Jotunn said, having taken his jerky.

"Well, that last is at least a bit obvious," Loki smirked.

The Jotunn gave him a short nod. "Be warned, your size will probably grant you attention. I do not remember the last time a Jotunn of your size survived all the way to near adulthood."

"Oh, so others of my size have been born?" Loki asked.

The Jotunn nodded. "It happens… but Jotunheim is a harsh and cruel place. With so little to eat, we cannot afford such sentiment as to keep alive that which will never give something back to the realm. It is kinder to let it pass on than to let it suffer such a short and miserable life."

Loki frowned. "I am here though. I lived. And I can assure you that I am quite capable of fending for myself."

"Whichever realm you grew up in, it must have plentiful resources. Otherwise, you would not give me such high-quality food so easily," the Jotunn commented. "It would be foolish of you to believe that because you were able to survive there, you would be able to do the same here, had you been younger still… or even now, if you were left to wander on your own."

Loki bit back the rising insult and nodded his head instead. "I thank you for your advice. I am in your debt."

The Jotunn smirked, amused. "The food you gave me is worth ten goblets made of pure gold. I had the better deal. Then again, if you are hungry, gold, diamonds or other treasure are useless. Food is the true currency of this world. Nothing is more valuable."

Loki swallowed but nodded his head. "I see… I understand. Thank you." He bowed again.

The Jotunn offered him a last nod and then without even a single goodbye or other formality, he just started to walk again in the same slow, steady pace.

Loki was stunned. It was his first time, his first time actually talking to a native Jotunn and… it hadn't been anything like he would have expected or imagined. It was frightening, but Loki also found himself growing even more curious as he looked towards the mountain the Jotunn had pointed him towards, Ymir's fortress.

Loki took in a deep breath. Well, he was here to see this for himself. Better get going.


	15. Ymirs foretress.

"Father, Mother," Thor respectfully approached his parents, who were enjoying a glass of wine in the cool of the afternoon.

"Yes, Thor," Frigga smiled kindly.

"I was just wondering if either of you had seen Loki," Thor admitted. "I wished to ask him if he would like to join the warriors three and me for a hunt, but he is nowhere to be found."

"Ah, I'm afraid it may be a few days before Loki returns," Odin informed him.

"Has he gone to the mountains again?" Thor blinked. "That is odd. He usually informs us before he goes."

Frigga was quiet, then sighed. "No dear heart, not to the mountains."

"Then where?" Thor asked.

"Loki," Odin breathed, "has gone to Jotunheim."

There was a beat of silence.

"Jotunheim?" Thor asked. "What ever could he be doing on Jotunheim?" he exclaimed, suddenly in a panic. "What does he want there?"

The look Frigga gave him was enough.

"Ah yes, not a very intelligent question. But why did he not tell me?" Thor's voice rose again. "And he has gone alone! Why?"

"My son, I do believe your reaction is answer enough," Odin said. Thor looked up, and then Odin sighed. "You must have known, as we did, that Loki was bound to do this eventually. It would be foolish to attempt to stop him."

Thor swallowed. "Is Heimdall keeping an eye on him at least?"

"He is," Odin answered, "and he has orders to retrieve Loki if the need should arise."

"The need? What kind of need!" Thor shrieked, clearly still in a panicking mood. "I… I'm going to speak to Heimdall!" he exclaimed as he turned around and ran.

Frigga turned to Odin. "Husband, I fear we shall not be seeing either of our sons for a while."

Odin exhaled deeply.

"Remember when he was so small?" Frigga asked. "When you were off to battle and he would refuse to leave the observatory, sleeping out there so he would be the first to greet you when you returned home?" She shook her head. "This is much the same. I must send blankets and food to him."

"I must admit, I do share Thor's concern," Odin said. "The world of Jotunheim is harsh and cruel. Their rules and ways are unlike our own."

"He needs to do this," Frigga breathed. "We must support him in his endeavor."

Odin nodded. "Aye, of that there is no doubt, my love."

* * *

Loki had to tilt back his head as he looked upwards, struggling to see the top of the huge fortress in front of him. It was a towering building of stone and dark wood, which, from the scent, Loki guessed was pine. The gate seemed to stretch to the sky. If Thor had been there, he would have said it very simply… _That sure is a large door_.

On the gate was a round, metal door knocker. Loki sighed. Of course, it was placed well above his head and was incredibly large. Loki had to stand on his tiptoes to grab it using both hands, and then he had to use a good portion of his strength to lift it so that he could knock.

The response was immediate as a window above was opened and a Jotunn poked out his head. "Who's there?" he shouted.

Loki was quiet as he looked up at the Jotun above him.

The Jotunn narrowed his eyes. "What trickery is this?"

"Down here," Loki informed him, and the Jotunn looked down. For a moment, he looked stunned. Then Loki held up a beautiful red gem. "A gift for Ymir," he said.

The Jotunn was silent. Then the small window was slammed shut and Loki was left alone. Slowly Loki lowered his arm. Nothing seemed to happen. Time stretched on, and all Loki could hear was the sound of the harsh winds. When least ten minutes had gone by, Loki began to consider if he should knock a second time. Suddenly, the doors opened wide, pulled apart by a very, very large frost giant.

Wide eyed, Loki looked up. This Jotunn was even larger than the one Loki had met in the snow. This one… Loki only reached to his thighs. Not only was he tall; he was also wide. His shoulders were broad, and his stomach had a bit of tub. His long, snow white hair was arranged in an array of small braids adorned with golden beads. All of his fingers had expensive looking rings on them, each at least with one shining stone. And around his neck were several heavy looking golden chains.

The very literal giant looked down, meeting Loki's wide-eyed gaze. Then a grin spread across his lips and he laughed. "Hah! So, it's true! A living lilliput. It must have been a thousand years since I last saw one of those! HAHA!"

Loki had no idea what lilliput meant. Something in the tone of the frost giant's voice indicated that it wasn't a very flattering title.

"You are Ymir, yes?" Loki asked.

"Indeed, I am," Ymir proclaimed holding out his arms, "and this is my domain!"

Loki held up the red jewel again. "A gift," he offered.

"Oh, what have we here?" Ymir asked, snatching it away. Then he held it up against the sun to have a closer look. "Svartalfheim ruby, looks like it has been cut by dwarves too, not half bad. And it even matches my eyes." He grinned.

Loki didn't reply but stood in silence.

"Well, come in, man!" Ymir proclaimed as he turned around and started to walk. Quickly, Loki ran inside before the gates slammed behind them, and Loki had to continue running to keep up with Ymir's casual walk. "Hah, a lilliput," Ymir shook his head in amusement. "You know, the last one I saw alive died when he got stepped on by one of my horses. My advice? Stay out of the stables."

Loki halted. A horse able to carry Ymir? That would indeed be a very big horse, one easily able to crush his skull with a hoof. Just then, Ymir paused long enough for Loki to look around. He saw that, indeed, they were passing fences with massive creatures inside… livestock.

"I was under the impression that food was scarce on Jotunheim," Loki blinked, looking at the creatures.

"On Jotunheim, yes, but Ymir's fortress is its own land! HAHA!" Ymir gave a sweeping gesture. "In here, where the snow wolves can't reach my wonderful stock. In here where anyone stupid enough to try to climb the walls will be shot on sight. Bandits or men belonging to jealous nobles. In here, we feast like kings!"

Oh, so this was literally a fortress, built to keep any intruders out. And if food indeed was Jotunheim's most precious currency, that would make Ymir an incredibly rich Jotunn, which explained all his glittering jewelry and even his healthy gut, which Loki could now see, looking at all the other Jotunns they had passed, nobody else had.

"So, what brings such a pipsqueak to my door?" Ymir asked, amused.

"Is it so odd that I wish to pay my respects to such a powerful man?" Loki asked.

"Haha!" Ymir laughed. "On Jotunheim, you give something to get something. Clearly, you do not lack in wealth. This jewel," He grinned holding up the ruby. "So, the question is what do you desire in return?"

Loki quieted for a moment, then looked up. "Your hospitality," he said honestly.

"Hah! That works fine," Ymir laughed. "Oh, this is what I have been longing for. I was just telling Fafner things were getting so boring."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki asked.

Ymir laughed again. "When you have everything covered, food, shelter, protection," he counted three fingers, "then what remains but to pass the time? Then suddenly, entertainment! Entertainment becomes the greatest currency!"

"So… I am your entertainment for tonight?" Loki asked, starting to figure out how this worked. He was Ymir's little circus animal right now, apparently. That's why Ymir seemed so giddy.

"Why else would I be so delighted to see you?" Ymir asked. "Your story must be interesting. You managed to survive for this long. Still a boy, but close enough."

"I'm afraid my story is not for sale at this time. All I can offer is my company," Loki informed him with a slight bow of his head.

"Well, I suppose I will have to make do," Ymir shrugged. "Oh, the last lilliput was so adorable when he had to climb up the chairs. Haha!"

Loki groaned. Okay, that he wasn't looking forward to. If he was going to be seated in a chair big enough for Ymir, he was going to look ridiculous. Which, apparently, was the exact thing Ymir was looking forward to.

One thing Loki noted was that Ymir wasn't a thing like the frost giant he had met outside in the snow. The one outside had spoken so slowly and in such a low voice. Ymir was putting Thor to shame with his bellowing laughter and wide gestures.

"Does the little one have a name?" Ymir asked.

"It is Fjaldir," Loki said, already having prepared his lie long ago.

"Good to meet you, Fjaldir," Ymir smirked, patting Loki on the head as if he was his new pet, and the sheer force made Loki bow down. Ymir didn't seem to notice though. Instead, his attention was on two dogs, which came running his way, and he laughed as he spread out his arms, allowing the wolf-like creatures to jump at him.

Loki stumbled backwards. Those things… those things were just as tall as he was! If he stood up as tall as he could, and the dogs stood on all fours, they would still be the same height. They were massive and could easily trample him.

One noticed Loki and was just about to jump after him, only to stop as Ymir grabbed the dog's collar. "Down boy! The lilliput is not your treat."

Was Ymir serious? Loki elected not to finish that thought.

"When darkness falls, may I suggest you stay inside?" Ymir asked. "Tjalfi and Njafi here run loose at night and are trained to attack any stranger who dares to enter. We never know who it was who crawled over the wall. Only the blood in the snow is left behind. HAHA!"

Loki's eyes widened. Never break into a Jotun's home. Got it.

"Stay close to me," Ymir instructed.

"And… I won't be harmed?" Loki asked.

"I can make no such guarantee," Ymir snorted. "You will be, at least, less likely to be harmed."

"Ah," Loki swallowed. "I see." Well, if nothing else, this was sure to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am basing Ymir on the character from Norse Mythology called. "Utgard Loki."
> 
> He also had some appearances in the comic books.
> 
> The reason I am not using his actual name, Utgard Loki, should be a bit obvious. Having two characters in fiction sharing a name is just confusing.
> 
> So instead he is borrowing the name Ymir, which is also from norse mythology. But is the first living being in all of creation, the first Jotunn.  
> And depending on WHICH version of Norse Mythology you read, Odin sprung out of his arm pit followed by his twin brothers Vili and Ve. Then used his corpse the build our world as we know it.


	16. The story of a spiteful woman

It was not lost on Loki that the few Jotunns he had seen thus far wore very little in the way of clothes, only small pieces to cover their privates and the occasional cape, which was just for show. Ymir was of course covered in all his jewelry and had a massive cape complete with fur trimmings, but his chest was still bare.

It did make sense, Loki mused. Jotunns didn't feel cold and as such had no reason to shield themselves from the elements. To them a freezing snow storm was like a mild breeze. It was impossible for Jotunns to die of the cold, so without the need to keep warm, why waste valuable resources on clothes?

Even with this in mind, Loki was taken aback when he suddenly realized that this applied to women as well. The Jotunn women who were serving Loki and Ymir drinks were… They… Their clothing didn't leave a lot to the imagination, gold chains resting on their voluptuous… erhm bosoms…

Loki had to turn his head away and then cross his legs. If he had been in his Aesir guise, his entire face would have been bright red without a doubt.

It didn't help in the least that Loki's earlier fear had been correct. All of the chairs here were far too big for him, making him feel absolutely ridiculous. Loki's chair wasn't nearly as large as Ymir's, but it was still massive for someone of Loki's size. Ymir apparently was big even among frost giants. The goblets were huge, so Loki had to use two hands to hold his as he struggled to drink from it. Then, of course, he failed in his attempt at not spilling the drink all over himself. Each time it happened Ymir gave a booming laugh.

"Asta," Ymir bellowed, "bring more of our best wine for Fjaldir!"

"Yes, my lord," a female voice answered. Loki glanced briefly in her direction, his eyes going wide as he had to look back for a double take.

This female frost giant wasn't like the others. Instead of the usual blue, her skin was pure white like the snow outside. It was the same shade as her hair, though that was covered in rim frost, glittering faintly in the light. It might be a different color all together, as Loki's hair too appeared white. Her eyes were red like all the others.

"Oh, so you haven't seen a pale one before?" Ymir asked.

Loki shook his head. "No, I have not. I wasn't aware Jotunns came in color variants."

"They are not quite as rare as the tiny ones," Ymir commented. "Although, that may have something to do with the tiny ones rarely living past infancy."

"That certainly would be an explanation," Loki agreed.

The white Jotunn, Asta, looked quite amused as she poured for Loki.

"Sometimes there are also Jotunns with different eye colors." Ymir grinned. "With yellow or even green eyes. Sadly, I have yet to add such a servant to my collection." He sighed deeply.

Ah, Ymir had collected this so called pale one because he viewed her as a novelty to parade around.

"You know what would be something?" Ymir asked. "A pale lilliput! That would be so rare it would be worth keeping alive, don't you think?"

Loki did not care for where this was going. Was Ymir suggesting that he should breed with this woman just so he could have a gander at the outcome? Add their offspring to his collection? Something told Loki that the big frost giant wasn't totally above that.

"Hah, would be the perfect scout too! Impossible to see in the snow like any pale one, and if it is seen, too small to hit with an arrow." Ymir chuckled over his own brilliance.

"Well, that would only be useful on Jotunheim," Loki pointed out.

"Why would I have any interest in leaving Jotunheim?" Ymir asked. "This domain is mine. I built it with my own two hands. It is only our dear _king_ who felt the need to try and claim a different realm."

Loki nodded slowly. "Midgard, yes? He intended to use the casket of winters to make Midgard into a new ideal home for the Jotunns. Expand his domain. However, Midgard was part of Asgard's domain at the time, and the Asgardians fought to protect the realm. They pushed the Jotunns back to Jotunheim, but Laufey refused to admit defeat, so the war continued for another six hundred years, until finally Asgard disintegrated the majority of Jotunheim's army and left them broken with no choice but to sign the treaty presented to Laufey."

"Oh, so you are not completely ignorant." Ymir smirked, leaning his chin in his hand.

"I've… read some history books." Loki shrugged. "You do not seem overly fond of Laufey," he observed.

"That fool?" Ymir snorted. "He got overconfident. Then when they kicked his blue behind, he refused to admit defeat or that he had made a mistake. He continued until he had no choice on the matter, and even now the fool _still_ wastes all his time plotting his revenge. He lost! But will he admit to his defeat? No! And he has dragged the rest of the realm down with him!" he exclaimed, downing his goblet of mead.

"You do not desire revenge upon Asgard?" Loki asked.

"What would be the point in that?" Ymir replied. "All those high and mighty gods… You think my walls are impressive? Theirs are much larger, and the consequences for climbing them is the same as people trying to climb in here. What really makes me sick though is their attitude," he scoffed. "Calling themselves gods? Benevolent? How easy is that when they have the grandest wall in all of the nine realms to hide behind and food enough that no one has to fight over it? Food so that armies can be well fed without issue. Attacking would only be asking for defeat. It would be much more lucrative to trade for resources."

"You would trade with Asgard?" Loki inquired.

"Why not?" Ymir asked. "If they have something I want, and I have something they want that I don't need myself, I still benefit. That is the nature of trade… give something to get something. And in a good trade both parties win."

"Ah, you have the mind of a businessman not held back by sentiment." Loki nodded then looked around.

"How else could I have built this?" Ymir asked. "You really are a funny one. What realm did you grow up on?"

"I suppose it is quite obvious I am not familiar with Jotunheim." Loki frowned.

"Hah! You don't say," Ymir laughed. "You are as out of place as a cat in a dog pound!"

Loki sighed deeply. "Yes… yes, that most likely can't be denied."

"So, which one is it?" Ymir asked.

"You correctly deduced the gem I gave you was from Svartalfheim. There's your answer," Loki replied in an even voice.

"Hmm," Ymir mused, "makes sense, I suppose, and what brought you here?"

"Is it so strange to be curious about my place of birth?" Loki asked.

"What do you think of what you're seeing?" Ymir asked.

"I am not certain yet," Loki admitted. "Jotunheim is… a harsh and cruel world, that much is obvious. It is a realm whose inhabitants do whatever is necessary to survive. Being generous is a luxury reserved for the rich and well off. It is not affordable in a world such as this…. People who don't know of this would probably call you cruel as well, Lord Ymir, but your achievements cannot be denied. The Jotunns living here in your fortress are probably far better off than all those outside."

"You've got your wits about you," Ymir said with a smirk. "I suppose you need to, being so small. What else do you have?"

"Not much," Loki had to admit. "However, wits should not be underestimated." There was an edge of a challenge in his tone.

"HAHAHA! Getting feisty now, are we?" Ymir asked. "Do not forget you are in _my_ domain."

"For tonight, I am your entertainment." Loki graciously nodded at him. "How entertaining would it be if I just rolled over and agreed to your every word? That would make for a very dull evening."

"Alright, so you've proved yourself a clever one." Ymir grinned. "Let's play a game! Which do you prefer, dice or cards?"

"Whichever you wish. Either suits me fine," Loki assured him, and Ymir grinned as he pulled forward a dice cup and five dice that looked to be cut from bones.

"Place your stakes," Ymir insisted.

Loki glanced up. "We didn't agree on there being stakes."

"I _never_ play without stakes," Ymir informed him. "It makes for dull and uninteresting games."

Loki shrugged but dug out a shining green gem, which he placed on the table. Ymir grinned as he looked at it then pulled off one of his rings and put it down.

"Now, let me explain the rules."

Loki listened intently as Ymir explained. They played their first game, and Ymir won by a thread. But Loki was seriously studying the cup. He had not been fooled. Ymir had cheated.

In the next game, Loki waited patiently until Ymir repeated the same trick, switching the dice. That's when Loki made a slight hand gesture as the dice were still under the cup, switching them back. When Ymir lifted the cup, he was stunned beyond words. He took in the dice coming out in Loki's favor, then looked at Loki.

"Well, I suppose this is my lucky day," Loki grinned, taking his own gem back alongside Ymir's ring.

"Huh, you think you've gotten the better of me, tiny one?" Ymir challenged.

The pattern continued. Ymir's way of cheating would be new, but he could only cheat one specific way once. The second he tried to use the same trick twice, Loki won the game. Eventually, Ymir started to get frustrated. He hissed as Loki grinned. Loki was now sitting with all of Ymir's rings on his side of the table.

"You…" Ymir seethed. "You little runt!"

"It's only cheating if you get caught," Loki replied. "And you got caught."

Ymir glared at Loki, breathing deeply in and out, his body tense. Loki was relaxed though. Then suddenly, Ymir's lips twisted upwards, and he let out a huge laugh. "HA HAAAAA! You got me! Oh, I was right, I am having a lot of fun with you!"

"It is my aim to give you your money's worth," Loki smirked, shoveling all of Ymir's glittering rings into his bag. Of course, Loki had no use whatsoever for any of those rings. They were too big for him. In Asgard, Loki had riches that went far beyond anything here, even all of Ymir's jewels. It was a matter of principle.

"Oh, I sense you are going to bring a great deal of trouble to our realm." Ymir grinned.

"Why ever would I do that?" Loki asked. "I am simply visiting."

"There's something about you," Ymir commented, the mood suddenly shifting. "Something tells me that if I had my own realm's best interest at heart, I shouldn't let you leave this place."

Loki looked up sharply, a heavy silence settling between them.

"I should let you sleep outside, let my dogs handle you. It would save me and my realm a lot of trouble in the future, I think," Ymir said.

Loki's face hardened at this.

"However, do you know something funny?" Ymir continued. "Before the war with Asgard, I was just your average poor Jotunn, one of Laufey's grunt soldiers. It was the war… The war gave the things I had to offer so much higher value. Desperation for safety, for food made me a rich man." He grinned suddenly, showcasing that several of his teeth were gold. "Laufey is a fool, more concerned about honor than survival. Perhaps it is time for someone else to take over."

"You desire… to be king?" Loki asked.

"Oh no, nothing so crude." Ymir shook his head. "But he has been a thorn in my side, demanding that I feed his soldiers and bow to him. The broken king. Thinking that if he can just defeat Odin, he will regain his former glory. Don't make me laugh! Kill Odin, and then what? An entire realm will come to Jotunheim seeking revenge… No. Getting rid of Laufey _without_ the involvement of Asgard, bringing chaos he cannot control… that would suit me fine."

Loki frowned. "Then you wish to see chaos unfold, so that you might sell the stability you have to offer? And, as a side bonus perhaps, lose Laufey as a casualty?"

Ymir grinned, which was answer enough.

"I'm afraid to say I have no such desire," Loki informed him. "I am only visiting. I have no intention of getting involved at this time."

"Oh, but I don't think you'll have any choice when the time comes." Ymir shook his head, his expression making Loki's skin crawl. "Little runt. Laufey's shame."

Loki halted.

"I was one of his soldiers!" Ymir laughed. "I was there. I was a witness."

Loki's eyes were wide as he took in this information.

"The war had gone on for hundreds of years," Ymir said. "Laufey was losing troops, but he refused to give up. He was furious. That's when a woman visited him, a beauty of a giantess, big and strong. She told him that if he would only lay with her, she would birth him a son, and that son would one day become the strongest of all frost giants. A son born for a single purpose, to end Odin's life. She claimed she had foreseen it. The child she would bear would be the end of Asgard. He would sit on Asgard's throne before becoming the bringer of Ragnarok. Odin's bane! Asgard's doom! Laufey was only too happy to hear of this prophecy. Too blind, he laid with the woman."

Loki swallowed, too stunned for words.

"She became with child as promised. Her stomach grew large. Then, the day of the birth came and" –Ymir clasped a hand to his forehead— "in the midst of birth she changed forms, became a small woman. The woman was no Jotunn at all, just a shapeshifter! And the child, the child was tiny and weak. She had promised Laufey the strongest Jotunn, and there he stood with a child that could fit into the palm of his hand. He was furious! Such a small, weak thing being the product of _his_ seed? HAHAHAHA!"

Loki didn't know what to feel. He was shocked. Numbed. He could barely even think.

"In his fury, he grabbed the woman and broke her neck, never even knew her true name. Her last spiteful words were that the child she had birthed would not just be Odin's bane, but be the one to end Laufey's life as well." Ymir grinned. "As if Laufey would allow that to happen! Then he looked at the child and said, 'Well, at least you may be good for one thing. Bring me my gods' blessings.'"

"And then he walked to an alter with the infant," Loki breathed, "never looking back."

"Oh, you already knew the ending?" Ymir inquired.

Loki shook his head. "No, and neither do you. The ending has not yet been written. I am still here."

"True." Ymir nodded. "It should be very interesting to get that ending at last… So, what do you intend to do now, lilliput?"

"I… do not know," Loki admitted. Then he sighed as he hefted his bag onto the table and turned it upside down, emptying it of all Ymir's rings. He pushed the jewels back to him.

Ymir looked at them then raised an eyebrow at Loki.

"On Jotunheim, you give something to get something," Loki stated. "You just gave me something of incredible value. I am giving you these treasures. I owe you nothing now."

Ymir grinned. "You're learning, and fast as well. Indeed, this should be interesting… very interesting." He tilted his head. "You know how I recognized you?"

"I'm small," Loki sighed.

"It happens once in a while a tiny one is born," Ymir stated with a shake of his head. "No, what gave it away… you look _just_ like her. I bet beneath that rim frost your hair is black as night, is it not?"

Loki lifted a hand, touching his hair. It was answer enough, and Ymir grinned, showing his golden teeth again.

"Of course, her true skin color was quite different… It was pale, nearly as pale as dear Asta here." Ymir pointed at the white Jotunn woman. "Her eyes shining green like a cat's. For a non-Jotunn, she was quite beautiful."

Loki sucked in a breath. "Do you know… What was her name?"

Ymir looked at Loki then he sighed. "Sadly, no. It would be interesting to see what you would pay for that information."

Loki glanced down, his hands tightening.

"I still wonder… How did you escape from that alter?" Ymir asked. "How did you escape death?"

"I told you, my story is not for sale… at least not at this time," Loki informed him. He started to feel very uncomfortable.

"I suppose you would have to keep some bargaining tools." Ymir grinned. "One day though, you must tell me. I insist."

Loki closed his eyes. "Perhaps, someday."


	17. Back home

In the dead of night, Loki lay wide awake. There was no point in even trying to sleep or pretend for that matter. He felt numb. Ymir's words rang through his head, and yet it was like they were just a far-off echo, the words indistinct.

What was that?

The door opened. Loki remained motionless as footsteps approached. Finally, a figure white as the purest snow entered his line of sight.

"Oh, ignoring me?" Asta asked. "That's not very kind, and you could scarcely keep your eyes off me before."

"Please take your leave," Loki muttered. "I am in no mood for company."

"That's terribly rude of you," Asta commented as she bowed over Loki. "Don't think I didn't notice. You are a young man with all the desires of any other." She gently put a hand on his stomach and slid it downwards, down…

Loki sighed. "Do not tell me you are taking Ymir's suggestion seriously?"

"It would be interesting though, wouldn't it?" Asta asked as she crawled up next to him. "So, tell me, have you had a Jotunn woman before?"

Loki didn't even look at her.

"Oh? Could it be… you haven't had any woman yet?" Asta prodded. "Well, what an honor." She reached for his face only for Loki to grab her wrist.

"On Jotunheim, you give something to get something," Loki stated. "Whatever you want, I shall not give it to you."

Asta pouted. "But you've got plenty to spare," she pointed out. "You're filthy rich. Surely you can spare a gem for me?" She offered Loki the biggest, most pleading red eyes she could muster. "Pretty please! It would look so nice on me, don't you think? A fine use of a gem."

Loki frowned, annoyed.

"Very well then," she commented with a sigh. "A shame really." Quick as lightning, there was a knife in Asta's hand, and suddenly it was going straight for Loki's throat.

Loki was quicker though, grabbing her hand and pushing her back. Then he pulled out his own knives. "Is this how Jotunheim treats its guests?!"

"Guests stupid enough to flaunt their riches without being strong enough to protect them!" Asta spat going for him again. Her knife went straight through Loki, and then… he vanished. Asta blinked.

"Looks can be deceiving," Loki informed her, suddenly standing at the other end of the room.

Asta turned to him. "Uh, sorcery!" she exclaimed. Then she smiled. "You get more interesting by the minute."

"Does Jotunheim have no sorcerers?" Loki inquired with a quirk of his brow.

"We do, but they are rare, and the things they can do are little more than cheap tricks. I do not think anyone is powerful enough to teleport," Asta admitted. "Makes you think, doesn't it? Your mother promised Laufey the strongest Jotunn. That's what Lord Ymir said. Do you think she mentioned in what way you would be the strongest?"

"I care not," Loki informed her. "Why should I wish to be the tool of a dead woman?"

Asta looked at him. Then she smiled. "Are you sure you wouldn't mind company?" she asked, moving closer in a seductive manner. "It would be me owing you right now…. You're so different, so unlike anyone I've met." She bowed over him again. "I really do want you."

Loki groaned. "My head scarcely reaches to below your chest. How would it even…"

The next moment, Asta had shifted and was suddenly the same size as Loki.

"You… are a shapeshifter?" Loki asked.

"Most Jotunns can shrink down, at least. But we prefer to stay at our true height. Our height signifies our age, you know. We never stop growing. The Jotunns who are tall as mountains are those who have managed to survive for over one hundred thousand years. It makes it rather inconvenient to go and meet new people though, so they shrink down for that."

"Oh, really?" Loki asked.

"No, Jotunns who are that old prefer to live out the rest of their lives in solitude. They never talk to anyone. But they _could_ shrink down if they wanted to."

Loki blinked, a bit confused about what she was saying.

"I swear it's true. They could. They just don't want to," Asta said. "You really don't know anything, do you?"

Loki scoffed.

Asta smirked. "I almost feel sorry telling you this, but whatever you are looking for here, I doubt you will find anything good. You don't fit in at all."

Loki wouldn't show it, but her words did sting, especially because they were true. He was a Jotunn, well half Jotunn if what Ymir said was true, but he wasn't of Jotunheim. This he could not deny, especially not now.

Loki started to seriously question what he had been thinking coming here. Had he thought that he would find answers? Clarity? It seemed that whenever Loki found some sort of answer, it was always accompanied with a horrible revelation and even more questions, which probably wouldn't bring anything good with them either if they were answered.

"My advice, just let loose and have fun with it." Asta smiled, her eyes glittering. "Here, it is every man out for himself anyway."

"Is it?" Loki asked. "You have Ymir's protection, do you not?"

"For as long as I am useful to him," Asta said. "I thought you had learned that one."

"Right, give something to get something." Loki sighed, starting to become a bit tired of that old saying. Yes, it was getting old now. Then he picked up his bag, looking at Asta.

"You're leaving?" Asta asked, sounding honestly disappointed.

"You spoke the truth. I do not belong here. I know not why I came in the first place. I would tell you it has been a pleasure, but I so hate to lie." Loki informed her and then vanished in a blink before Asta even got to answer.

* * *

Outside it was dark. There were no visible stars, only the storm threatening to knock Loki over. He had the good sense to teleport outside of the fortress. He had no desire to run into the dogs, but this also meant that he was caught in the merciless winds of the realm.

Loki teleported a bit further away until he stood on a bare hill, and he looked up. "Heimdall!" he shouted. "Would you be so good as to grant me a lift?"

The response was almost immediate as Loki's vision was obscured by all the many colors of the rainbow bridge. A few moments later, he was firmly on the ground again, standing in the Asgardian observatory. The change of scene was amazing. Instead of the cruel, harsh wind, everything was still. Any sounds were calm and serene. Above Loki were a carpet of beautiful, glittering stars.

Then, without warning, came a big blond menace.

"LOKI!"

Thor had become rather good at asking if he could hug his brother. This time, though, he had seemingly forgotten it as he crushed Loki in a hug, then suddenly remembered as he jumped back.

"Sorry!" Thor exclaimed. "I was just… Loki, are you hale? You are not hurt, are you? Were the Jotunns kind?" His questions came in quick succession, one after the other. Loki blinked. "Loki, did they steal your voice?" Thor shouted, grabbing Loki's shoulders and shaking him.

Loki frowned. "Now you are just being an oaf. You have given me no time to reply."

"Ah." Thor stepped back.

Loki shook his head. He remembered that he was still blue and easily slid into his normal Aesir guise, slipping a hand through his hair to get it back into order. Then he noticed the other presence in the room, and he turned to look at the golden gaze of the all-seer. "Heimdall," he breathed.

"My prince." Heimdall bowed his head.

Loki swallowed. "You… heard?" he asked.

"I cannot hear what is being said in conversations across realms. You would have to call me specifically," Heimdall said. "But… if I concentrate, I can read lips. And yes, I am aware of what your host told you."

Loki bit his lip, then finally asked, "Is any of what he said true?"

"That I do not know," Heimdall admitted. "At that point in time, my gaze was trained upon the various battles of the war."

Thor looked from one to the other. "What? Is what true? Loki?"

Loki swallowed as he looked away. "I… I do not know if-"

"My prince, if I may," Heimdall interjected. "Remember how it hurt when your parents refused to tell you the truth? Would you follow their example?"

Slowly, Loki shook his head. "No… I do not want that," he admitted as he looked at his brother. "Well Thor, it appears I may only be half Jotunn."

"Oh," Thor blinked. "What is the other half?"

"No idea," Loki admitted. "A shapeshifter of some sort."

"Makes sense. You are a shapeshifter, after all." Thor nodded.

"She… gave birth to me for the single purpose of defeating Odin. She claimed that she had foreseen… that I would become Odin's bane, the bringer of Ragnarök. That I would sit on Asgard's throne then cause Asgard's destruction."

Thor was silent as he looked at Loki, frowning. "Loki… do we know for certain she actually said that?"

Loki shook his head. "No."

"And… if she said it, do we know she actually had the gift of foresight?" Thor asked. "That she wasn't just selling empty promises?"

"No," Loki had to admit again.

"Mother never shares her foresights. She says it is the most important rule," Thor stated. "So, if this woman was sharing… chances are she wasn't even a reel foreseer."

Loki looked at Thor. Since when had his oafish brother become the clever, rational one?

"I am happy you told me this." Thor smiled. "You should not be burdened with such dark thoughts to carry alone."

Loki nodded. "You know, I am glad I told you now as well, instead of letting it fester."

Thor smiled, beamed in fact. Then he halted. "So… what was Jotunheim like?"

"It was… It wasn't very nice," Loki admitted. "I met a man, I was his guest, and he… he was a necessary evil of their realm."

"Necessary evil? Evil is never necessary!" Thor proclaimed.

Loki shook his head. "I am afraid you are incorrect on that," he informed him. "When the reality is harsh enough then, yes, there is. Sometimes an evil can be very necessary."

Thor was silent. Clearly, he had a difficult time comprehending this information.

"I only talked with a few Jotunns, but they were all so very different from each other. Clearly not anything like Asgardians, but that does not mean they were all the same," Loki said. "I will admit, though, seeing Jotunheim for myself has made me appreciate so much more that I was allowed to grow up here. Here where I was never to lack anything or fight for my own life. Only my pride. However, when you live on a cruel world like Jotunheim where your life is at stake, pride matters very little. Pride… is the luxury of people who are always safe. Like generosity is a luxury of people who have enough."

"I… I do not understand," Thor admitted. "But I swear I shall reflect upon it," He quieted for a moment. "Do you think that Father's dream of peace is obtainable?"

Loki frowned. "I think… Asgard and Jotunheim are never going to be friends," he informed him. "At least not in our lifetime. To think we can win peace through sentiment and goodness of heart is foolish. We would be better served making deals which are mutually beneficial. Offering Jotunheim objects they need, while it will not gain us their love, could gain us a working relationship and thus peace, because they would not want to disrupt this trade."

"I see." Thor nodded. "I am certainly glad that is your job and not mine."

"Well, if you are crowned king, it will be your job," Loki said.

"For about one minute until I hand it back to you," Thor replied, and Loki snorted, amused.

Loki sighed. "The issue is Laufey though. He still is their king, and he will not agree to such a thing. He is far too stubborn."

"Then what will you do?" Thor asked.

"Laufey would not want to start such a relationship, but there are others, other Jotunns," Loki said.

"Like the man who hosted you?" Thor asked.

"Let's keep him out of the picture for now. That man is already powerful enough." Loki snorted. "However, it may be worth keeping our eyes open for the right opportunity."


	18. Her name was Yord

It was no wonder that Loki was exhausted. He fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

The next day, Frigga was beyond anxious to see her son but had the good sense to only steal a peak through the door to see him safe and soundly sleeping. It was a little after noon when he finally woke. By this time, there was no escaping Frigga's embrace and her questions.

"I am fine," Loki informed her.

Frigga looked at him. "Loki, you are a gifted liar, but you were never able to lie to me," she reminded him.

Loki sighed. "Forgive me, Mother. I… I need to talk with both you and Father. There is… something of which I was informed. I am uncertain if it is true, but I have realized it should not be allowed to fester."

Frigga nodded seriously. "Your father is occupied with his duties. However, I will make sure that his evening will be free. After the evening's feast, meet us in my chambers."

"Thor will insist on coming too." Loki smiled, a bit abashed.

"Oh, so you confided in him already?" Frigga asked, and Loki nodded. "I am glad of that." She smiled, then kissed him on the forehead and allowed her hand to slip through his hair once. "Rest as much as you need, my son. It must have been a difficult journey."

"Well… I suppose that cannot be denied," Loki said. "Thank you, Mother. I think I shall have a walk in the gardens. I admit, wandering for so long in a place where there is nothing but snow and ice made me long for greenery and animal life."

"Loki?" Frigga asked.

"On Jotunheim… everything was dead," Loki explained. "There were animals, but… barely, and those which were there were enormous and ferocious, otherwise they could not survive such a climate. There were such long distances where there was no life at all. For long stretches, it was nothing… Nothing alive, nothing moving but the harsh winds carrying the snow. Only this for miles and miles… It was so cold and so dark. A dark, sad wasteland stretching forever. I could never have even imagined. How do they survive?"

"By doing what they need to do," Frigga said, sadness in her eyes. "You are clever though. You already surmised as much."

"Aye," Loki admitted. "Forgive me, Mother. I shall go to the gardens now," he informed her, managing to keep back a yawn and finally left for the gardens.

* * *

After the feast, as promised, both Loki and Thor headed to Frigga's chambers. Frigga and Odin were already there, sitting on the balcony, the same place where they had eaten breakfast together before. Frigga did have the best view in the palace, the view of her own garden, the place where Loki had spent his afternoon. On the table, refreshments had been served, some sweet, fine wine and a selection of nuts and fresh fruits.

Odin turned to Loki. "You went to Jotunheim, even though you both know that it is strictly forbidden. Not only for you, but for _any_ Asgardian," he accused.

Loki smirked lightly. "Sometimes it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission," he replied.

"This is _not_ the behavior of a king." Odin frowned. "Tomorrow you are to help Erlig go over this year's palace spending."

Loki's smirk only grew. Punished with a day of dull accounting. It was clearly a symbolic punishment. Odin was Loki's father, but he was also a king, and Loki was a prince. Odin couldn't just do nothing.

"Oh Father, what a cruel punishment. Truly, I shall have to suffer," Loki replied, though his tone made it clear he was joking. It was an extraordinarily light punishment for such a breach, even if Loki's situation was unique. "I swear, though, I shall endure," he added with a slight bow.

Odin shook his head but gestured at the empty seats for Loki and Thor to join them. "Now then, my sons, we have all been very anxious to hear," Odin said in a kinder voice, "what you have seen, what you have been thinking."

Loki closed his eyes. "It was a short trip, yet there is much to tell," he admitted. "And…" His hands were in his lap as he looked up. "Father, Mother… I met a man. A very powerful and rich Jotunn. I was his guest, and he told me something…" He swallowed. "Whether or not he spoke the truth, I cannot tell. Still…" He closed his eyes.

"Loki," Frigga breathed. "It is alright. There is time."

Loki nodded. "Then, I think I shall start with… Ymir's fortress." Slowly, Loki began his tale about how he had arrived and knocked on Ymir's door, about the fortress and the things Ymir had said as well as Loki's own observations. About how the fortress had worked, how the world itself worked. Their fundamental rules, which were so different from Asgard's. Then finally, Loki arrived at the core issue.

"Ymir said that during the war he was one of Laufey's men, and that he… bore witness to my birth," Loki informed them.

That made all grow quiet as they looked at him. Loki took a deep breath, then recounted the story he had been told about the woman who had promised Laufey a son who would be the strongest Jotunn, how she had seemingly tricked him when it was revealed that she was no Jotunn at all. What she said about her child destined to become Odin's bane and the bringer of Ragnarök, and even how her dying words had been that the son she had born was also destined to end Laufey's life.

There was stunned silence. Thor had already heard the story once, but he was clearly mulling it over. Though obviously he didn't believe a word of it. Loki could scream at Thor day and night that he was destined to bring Ragnarök, and Thor would never believe it. He was like that.

Frigga shook her head. "Loki… no foresight is absolute," she informed him. "It is nothing but the ability to see countless possibilities, though some will appear as more likely than others. The only way to assure a foresight will become true is acting upon it."

"The tale of Oedipus." Loki nodded. "The king had been told that his son who had not yet been born was destined to kill him. To avoid his fate, he tried to kill the child, but a nursemaid saved him, and he grew up, never knowing whom his father was. At the end of the tale, he kills his father quite by accident, never even knowing he had fulfilled the prophecy. Had his father not tried to cheat fate, it may not have come to that."

"Also, Kakusandha, you remember, Loki?" Frigga prompted.

Loki nodded. "It was prophesied that Kakusandha would either become a great king or a great but humble holy man. His father, the king, was determined that Kakusandha would be king, so he shielded Kakusandha from all the evil in the world, so he would have no reason to turn to the holy path. That, however, only meant that the day Kakusandha, as a young man, sneaked outside of the palace for the very first time and encountered death he was shocked beyond words. Because it was such a shock, he started to desperately search for meaning, for answers…. He left everything behind, the palace, his title, his claim to riches and became a holy but humble man."

"Indeed," Frigga replied. "And both of these stories are quite true. When the parties involved become convinced that the prophecy is a certainty and act as if it is, they unwillingly make it come to pass. Whether this is a true prophecy or not, I cannot tell. However, do not become its slave. That will destroy you."

"Essentially, I should forget about it and live my own life," Loki commented.

"Yes." Frigga nodded. "Whatever Laufey or that woman wished for you is no concern of yours. You are your own person, Loki, not their tool for battle."

Loki smiled. "Thank you, those are the words I needed to hear." Then he turned to Odin. His father seemed extremely thoughtful. "Father?" Loki asked.

"Your mother is right." Odin nodded. "We are only bound by fate when we decide to be. When we have convinced ourselves that we are. You are my son. Whatever that woman has said, I will not act as if it has the slightest validity."

"She gave up any rights to dictate your life the second she desired to make you a weapon," Frigga stated firmly. "And Laufey lost his right when he placed you on that altar. You owe them nothing."

"I have no desire to destroy Asgard." Loki smiled weakly. "Asgard is my home, which I love dearly. And neither have I any wish to cause my own father distress."

"Then," Odin spoke, "there is nothing to fear."

It wasn't that easy though. In the evening, Odin stood in his own chambers, his gaze stern as he looked out of the window towards the mountain. Frigga, wearing just a silk night gown, walked up behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Husband, you cannot stand there all night. Come to bed," she asked, wrapping her arms around him.

Odin sighed. "Frigga…"

Frigga quieted. Then she looked up. "You know something," she stated, and Odin turned to her.

"The woman of Loki's tale… a woman who is a shapeshifter and willing to go to such lengths just to get back at me." Odin closed his eye. "I didn't want to think it; however… when we discovered Loki had natural gifts as a shapeshifter, the fear first came to me. As he grew… He looks so much like her."

Frigga stood back, looking up at Odin. "Who?" she asked. "Who would be so cruel? To bring life into this world only to raise him so he may cause death?"

Odin swallowed.

"Odin," Frigga demanded.

And Odin sighed. "Yord."

Frigga gasped. "Yord?" she asked. "You mean, your…"

"My first wife, aye." Odin sighed. "And the mother of my first child, Hela. When I was forced to lock Hela away, Yord was furious. She swore revenge upon me. She started to gather troops. It was treason. She was attacking her own husband and king, trying to take the throne for herself… I had no choice. I had to lock her away. I locked her in a prison cell, yet it wasn't enough. She vanished. I never found out to where… until today."

Frigga swallowed but listened intently.

"She swore to me that her own child would obtain the throne," Odin admitted. "Yord did not have the gift of foresight, but she had the gift of curses… Her gift was limited though. She could curse a man to ruin, and it would most likely happen, but how or when it should happen is less predictable."

"So, she cursed her own child with this fate," Frigga breathed. "Isn't there a way to break this curse?"

"There is, but it will be neither easy nor painless," Odin admitted. "Especially for one such as Loki who was cursed even before his birth."

"What a horrid woman," Frigga muttered. Then, "Forgive me. She was your wife."

Odin closed his eye. "Aye, that she was. And I loved her once. She was… the goddess of night, mysterious and tempting as night itself, but also just as dark, which I did not see at first. Sometimes I wonder if it was indeed me who ruined her… me who ruined Hela. Hela…" He swallowed. "She would not stop killing. I asked her. I begged her. I even fell to my knees… but in time, I saw that she was never going to stop."

Again, Frigga laid her hand on Odin's shoulder. "Odin… come to bed. You must rest," she said.

"I fear I shall have very little rest tonight," Odin admitted. "My mind is filled with their screams, with the sight of all that blood… With you, with the life you brought, I wished to do things differently, yet now, the past catches up to me."

"Odin." Frigga turned her husband around so they were face to face. "Loki is not Yord, nor is he Hela… Loki is no slave to their whims. Loki is Loki."

Odin nodded. "He looks so much like her," he sighed.

"Odin," Frigga spoke in a warning tone.

"Yet he reminds me more of you, my beautiful queen." Odin smiled lightly. "You brought him kindness and love. You have saved my son." He took her hands and lovingly kissed them.

Frigga smiled, but her smile faltered. "You must tell him," she said.

"My queen, I do not believe now is the time," Odin replied.

"There will never be a time. You must make it," Frigga stated. "You kept saying it was not the time to tell him about his Jotunn origins, even though he was doomed to stumble across it sooner or later, and the longer we waited the greater the risk grew. You _must_ tell him! And it must be now. How else can he agree to break this curse? I am sure he will be most eager to do so."

"Yes… yes…" Odin nodded. "I do feel though… so very exhausted. I fear… these revelations have taxed me greatly."

"Is the Odinsleep nearing?" Frigga asked. "So soon?"

"I have been worn down with worry," Odin said. "Forgive me…"

Frigga shook her head. "Sleep then; however, when you wake and have become well rested once more, you must tell him."

Odin nodded. "Aye… as always, you are quite right, my queen." He did indeed look very tired. And it was only with Frigga's help that he made it back to bed where Frigga crawled up next to him and wrapped her arms around her exhausted husband, lending his troubled mind any comfort she could.


End file.
